I’ve always wondered why majority of the people I’ve met in my adult life have been avoidant women, couldn’t quite pin point what was attracting them to me but the moment I realized, everything changed
I realized why I kept attracting them is cos I gave without asking for anything in return. I meet someone and once I feel a little chemistry, I switch to caretaker mode, I validate them, listen to them, go out of my way to be there for them, create safety for them to open up and they do
But I do this not minding if they’re doing same for me, and honestly that’s one of the fastest ways to build exhaustion and resentment. If you keep giving, hoping they’ll give back, you’re wasting your time. Nobody recieved free money and goes “oh maybe I need to give him too” when the giver hasn’t asked for any
I’m now realizing I should have matched energy, I should have paced my emotional investment, should have given and waited to be given back cos that’s what a relationship is, reciprocal not one sided.
If you’re reading this and you can relate, stop abandoning yourself. You deserve to be listened to as well, you deserve to be validated, you deserve to have your needs met, don’t let yourself go without reciprocation. A healthy relationship is one where both people strive to be emotionally responsible for each other not one partner being responsible while feeling exploited
Silent treatment.
Gaslighting
Ghosting
Lack of accountability
Weaponizing sex
Body shaming
Infidelity
Verbal abuse
Using insulting words on your partner
A partner who punishes you with silent treatment is a very toxic person. Silent treatment is not a cooling off period. It is not needing space to think. It is control. It is punishment. It is emotional manipulation dressed in silence.
For the recipient, silent treatment is almost the same as physical pain. Brain studies have shown that social rejection activates the same neural pathways as physical pain. When someone you love shuts you out without explanation, your brain registers it as a blow. You feel it in your chest. You struggle to sleep. You replay every conversation trying to figure out what you did wrong.
Over time, you begin to doubt your own sanity and your own reality. You question your memory. You question your worth. You start apologising for things you did not do, just to end the silence. That is not love. That is a hostage situation.
A person who uses silent treatment as a weapon is not resolving conflict. They are avoiding it while making you suffer. It is a very wicked, evil thing to do to someone you claim to love.
If you are in a relationship where silence is used to punish you, know this you are not crazy. You are being manipulated. And you deserve someone who will speak to you even when they are angry, because love does not go mute when conflict arrives.
5. أنت ما عوّضت الاستثمار العاطفي بالنمو.
الطاقة ما تختفي.
يا تتحول إلى تفكير زائد مستمر… أو تتحول إلى تطور حقيقي.
وبعدين قال لي شيء ما طلع من بالي:
“أنت تنسى شخص لما يصير مستقبلك أكثر إثارة من ماضيك.”
مو لما تتجاهل الألم.
مو لما تقلل التتبع.
مو لما تمثل إنك تخطيت.
أنت تنساه فعليًا لما تبني حياة ما عاد فيها مساحة لنفس النسخة القديمة منك.