steven stosny

[steven stosny @SStosny]

Changing labels can change delusions but not reality.

[steven stosny @SStosny]

Core Value Love vs. Core Hurt Love | Psychology Today https://t.co/p9usaXQQiy

[steven stosny @SStosny]

Love and Resentment: Why They Coexist in Close Relationships | Psychology Today https://t.co/ggIBJGCRXd

[steven stosny @SStosny]

Tragedies ensue when otherwise moral people follow the script: “By any means necessary.”

[steven stosny @SStosny]

We’re not to blame for most of the things that negatively affect our lives, but we’re responsible to make the best of them. We’re most powerful when responsibility for repair and improvement is more important to us than blaming and complaining.

[steven stosny @SStosny]

https://t.co/O80Yszjgdz

[steven stosny @SStosny]

Sarcasm: One partner typically wants to know when sarcasm crosses the line, while the other claims, “It’s just joking around.” Worse than the sarcasm itself is what often follows: minimization, or mockery of the partner’s hurt. 1/2

[steven stosny @SStosny]

Most people fall in love with fantasies of compassion, kindness, and respect. Anything less eventually turns into resentment and, eventually, contempt. https://t.co/zmAK9Lhank 2/2

[steven stosny @SStosny]

We can make specific behavior requests of loved ones, but we can’t expect them to change their core selves. The challenge: Fit different core selves together and maintain connection while honoring individuality. See: https://t.co/nNa9uqShv5

[steven stosny @SStosny]

https://t.co/kWzDOyVTMU

[steven stosny @SStosny]

Emotional pollution is the indiscriminate spread of aggressive emotions, disregarding their effects on others - the psychological equivalent tof secondary smoke and roadside litter. Our choice is to choke on the pollution or crowd it out with compassion, kindness, appreciation.

[steven stosny @SStosny]

Anger cannot be overcome with focus on what makes you angry or resentful. More powerful than triggers of anger and resentment are unconscious dynamics, triggered by discomfort or distress. The cure lies in building new conditioned responses. https://t.co/xYg65QM4BX

[steven stosny @SStosny]

https://t.co/1LOzoV7snv

[steven stosny @SStosny]

Emotional abuse is deliberately making loved ones feel afraid or bad about themselves so they’ll do what the abuser wants. It takes will and practice to reverse the attitudes and emotional habits that cause emotional abuse. https://t.co/rYlG8GNxh2

[steven stosny @SStosny]

In the formation of emotional bonds (falling in love) we make an implicit promise that we’ll care about each other’s well-being and never intentionally hurt each other. When either promise is broken, we feel betrayed. 1/2

[steven stosny @SStosny]

Intimate betrayal can wear the face of infidelity, deceit, financial manipulation, chronic resentment, anger, or abuse. See Living & Loving after Betrayal: https://t.co/TEVfP2OCXI 2/2

[steven stosny @SStosny]

Emotion and Meaning in the Social World | Psychology Today https://t.co/epwYfGMdLG

[steven stosny @SStosny]

Interest, our greatest resource, is the precursor of all positive emotions and experiences. Don’t waste it on ego trips or petty resentments. Interest doesn’t pour into us from the world; it pours out of us into the world.

[steven stosny @SStosny]

When emotionally aroused, we have two voices in our heads. The first comes from the toddler brain - self-obsessed, impulsive, blaming, avoiding. The second comes from the adult brain - rational, fair, valuing, able to see other perspectives.

[steven stosny @SStosny]

Adrenaline creates temporary energy and confidence. Inhibitions require adrenaline to overcome. Once an inhibition threshold is crossed, we’re likely to escalate violations as more adrenaline is required to get the same level of energy and confidence. 1/2