Swanson

I have a soft spot for brunettes and fine whiskeys. 🥃

[Being Libertarian @beinlibertarian]

It would be funnier if it wasn’t so accurate.

😂

[Swanson @StanRogersSlaps]

I hate the internet😂

[𝐬𝐨𝐯 @sovietsoleri]

this video kills me every time he was real for this

[King Rusty @Kek_Montag]

Pretty much

[Swanson @StanRogersSlaps]

@LilianneSailor @NWcountrymusic1 Is this how nonmusicians view the world?

[Swanson @StanRogersSlaps]

@waterenjoyer216 @NWcountrymusic1 Yea and I think Tiny Desk folks love hearing the “tiny desk” version of their fav artists. But I agree, not a great sound for a lot of the bands they have on.

[Swanson @StanRogersSlaps]

Been a while since I’ve updated the Xbox

[Not Jerome Powell @alifarhat79]

Trump Cruise to Hormuz lmaoooo I’m crying

[lil duval @lilduval]

This the type of content i enjoy. It’s the old white guy on IG that’s documenting his escape from the nursing home 😂

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

I needed to move a sofa.

I mentioned this to an American. He said, "You know anybody with a truck?"

I did not know anybody with a truck.

He looked at me with real concern. Not pity. Concern. The way you look at a man who has told you he does not have a name.

"You gotta know somebody with a truck."

I asked how one acquires such a person.

He said, "You just do."

This is the third time I have received that answer in this country. It is the answer to everything here. You just do. There is no process. There is only the eventual fact of having.

He said, "Ask Kevin."

I do not know a Kevin. He said Kevin like I should. He said it the way you say a shared uncle.

I met Kevin four days later. Kevin owns a truck. Kevin does not own a truck for himself. Nobody owns a truck for themselves. Kevin owns a truck for a fifteen mile radius.

Inside I said: THIS MAN HAS TAKEN A VOW. HE DID NOT ANNOUNCE IT. HE SIMPLY PURCHASED A BED AND ACCEPTED THE CONSEQUENCES.

Kevin arrived on Saturday. He brought the truck. He also brought a second man.

I had not asked for a second man.

The second man's name is Tony. Tony came because Kevin came. Tony did not know me. Tony did not ask what we were moving. Tony brought gloves.

They moved the sofa in eleven minutes.

I offered them money. Both of them laughed at the same time, which felt rehearsed and was not.

I asked what I owed them.

Kevin said, "Buy the pizza."

That is the price. That is the entire economy. The truck costs one pizza and the pizza is not negotiable and the pizza is also not expensive and everyone knows what size.

Inside I said: THE FEE IS FIXED ACROSS THE ENTIRE NATION AND WAS SET BY NO ONE.

We ate on the floor because the sofa was against the wall and none of us wanted to be the first to sit on it.

Tony told me his daughter plays soccer. I asked if she is good. He said, "She's aggressive."

I still think about that.

Three weeks later, Kevin texted me.

"You free Sunday? Helping Tony move a fridge."

He did not ask if I wanted to. He informed me of a fridge.

Inside I said: I HAVE BEEN CALLED UP. I DID NOT ENLIST. THE PAPERS WERE FILED ON MY BEHALF.

I went. I moved the fridge. I have no truck. I contributed only arms.

Afterward, a man I had never met asked me if I knew anybody with a truck.

I said, "Yeah, I got a guy."

I have a guy.

I am somebody's guy now, too. Tony has told two people about me.

He describes me as "the guy who's strong for his size."

I have never been prouder of a sentence in my life.

[Terrible Maps @TerribleMaps]

The road trip absolutely nobody asked for

[TUPACABRA @tupacabra]

God forbid Bob Lazar starts feeling himself.

[Swanson @StanRogersSlaps]

@SMO_VZ Quit being a mouth piece for leaders who don’t give a damn about you.

[🇨🇭🌲Eric, CEO of the Swiss🌲🇨🇭 @neutral_af]

Good Morning !

[UAE Exotic Falconry & Finance @FalconryFinance]

hacking retail employee transaction terminals in real time

[Swanson @StanRogersSlaps]

Hahahahaha what a time to be alive

[Swanson @StanRogersSlaps]

lol dang it