Steve Stifler

Listen Up Bitches!! (Parody)

[Steve Stifler @StflerSteve]

I talk LOUD because CLEARLY everything I say is THAT FUCKING important.

[Steve Stifler @StflerSteve]

You're not an egg in real life... Change your picture.

[Steve Stifler @StflerSteve]

Being fat lowers your chance of getting kidnapped.

[Steve Stifler @StflerSteve]

Ladies, just swallow and stop being cunts.

[Steve Stifler @StflerSteve]

My love for you is like a candle... because if you forget about me, I'll burn your fucking house down.

[Steve Stifler @StflerSteve]

That awkward moment when you're alone with someone you don't know so well.

[Steve Stifler @StflerSteve]

If a red head guy works at a bakery, does that make him a ginger bread man?

[Steve Stifler @StflerSteve]

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and plot your revenge.

[Steve Stifler @StflerSteve]

I'm pretty sure all of the 7 dwarfs were named after a stage of Snow White's heroin addiction

[Steve Stifler @StflerSteve]

Mom says: Alcohol is your enemy. Jesus says: Love your enemy. Case closed.

[Steve Stifler @StflerSteve]

I act like I don't care, but deep down I swear I don't give a fuck

[Steve Stifler @StflerSteve]

99% of the time my brain is thinking blah, meh, why, huh, WTF, food and computers. The other 1% i'm usually asleep..

[Steve Stifler @StflerSteve]

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

[Steve Stifler @StflerSteve]

Masturbating makes your dick smaller. Don't believe me? Asians have really fast internet. Africa doesn't.

[Steve Stifler @StflerSteve]

At the eye doctor...Doctor: Please read the lowest line you can. Me: Made in China.

[Steve Stifler @StflerSteve]

If your name was "homework" I would be doing you on my desk right now.

[Steve Stifler @StflerSteve]

Glue a tiny mirror over your drivers license photo so when you hand it to the police they will get confused and arrest themselves instead.

[Steve Stifler @StflerSteve]

Attractive people, with shitty personalities <<

[Steve Stifler @StflerSteve]

If Chris Brown and Kim Kardashian were drowning and you only had time to save one, what type of sandwich would you make in that time?

[Steve Stifler @StflerSteve]

If a girl likes 1D, make sure its yours.