Creed Bratton

What did you say your credit card number was again?

[Creed Bratton @StreetCreed]

You know what they say. March, in like a lion, out like a lamb. More powerful than a locomotive. Melts in your mouth, not in your hand.

[Creed Bratton @StreetCreed]

Didn't February have 29 days last year? Who's in charge of quabity over at the calendar factory?

[Creed Bratton @StreetCreed]

Quick, what's the german word for chimichanga? I'm this close to getting the deal of the century on an '81 Beetle!

[Creed Bratton @StreetCreed]

Hey, hot mama, Creed's a winkin' at ya.

[Creed Bratton @StreetCreed]

I've got a serious case of the Mondays.

[Creed Bratton @StreetCreed]

I resolve to stop biting my nails, but I will continue juggling my hammers.

[Creed Bratton @StreetCreed]

I’ve been extra bad this year in hopes I get a lot of coal from Santa. Helps keep the heating bills down.

[Creed Bratton @StreetCreed]

I've smoked my share of mistletoe and it's never made me want to kiss anybody.

[Creed Bratton @StreetCreed]

You never see an awards show for “Best Statuette Maker.” The Award Awards deserve their due!

[Creed Bratton @StreetCreed]

Pay my rent this month? Yeah, right. Have you even seen the Mayan calendar?

[Creed Bratton @StreetCreed]

The only thing better than a Black Friday sale is a Purple Thursday dumpster dive.

[Creed Bratton @StreetCreed]

Have you ever noticed how nobody offers you scones without an ulterior motive?

[Creed Bratton @StreetCreed]

When I die, I want to donate my skeleton to the Halloween decorations.

[Creed Bratton @StreetCreed]

Opening this spring: Creed's Breakfast Disco Inferno! Put on your dancing spoons!

[Creed Bratton @StreetCreed]

If I leave it turned on long enough my toaster doubles as a fog machine. Technology. Far out, man.

[Creed Bratton @StreetCreed]

Just can’t seem to shake this feeling that I’m following someone.

[Creed Bratton @StreetCreed]

It’s hard for me to picture Roy settling down and getting married. I can’t remember which one Roy was so I literally can not picture it.

[Creed Bratton @StreetCreed]

Does peanut butter make good wall paint?

[Creed Bratton @StreetCreed]

I hate how store clerks say they’re “here to help,” but then ignore me when I ask them to look at the weird growth on my leg.

[Creed Bratton @StreetCreed]

Anybody know where I can find a combination KFC/Taco Bell/army surplus/reptile outpost?