Sugar_eFarts

Fart jokes.

[Sugar_eFarts @SugarFarts]

Little known fact that q-tips were invented to clean belly buttons.

[Sugar_eFarts @SugarFarts]

There’s one thing COVID taught me:

Q-tips are a really great tool to pick your nose with.

[Sugar_eFarts @SugarFarts]

I don’t know why, but pooping sometimes gives me a runny nose.

[Sugar_eFarts @SugarFarts]

This is your brain.

This is your brain on rugs.

Any questions?

[Sugar_eFarts @SugarFarts]

Now is a good time to own an RV. You can self-quarantine and also be mobile.

#covid #covid19 #coronavirus

[Sugar_eFarts @SugarFarts]

It’s surreal times like this were we are all like “Oh, thank goodness it’s just Chlamydia!”

#COVID19 #COVID_19 #coronavirus

[Sugar_eFarts @SugarFarts]

If your glass is half full, you’re not drinking enough.

[Sugar_eFarts @SugarFarts]

Dude your parents gave you like every letter of the alphabet. Seriously bro, thats not a name, that’s a password. Your mom probably thought she was logging onto AOL.

I bet your middle name is an email address.

[Sugar_eFarts @SugarFarts]

Am I scared of commitment? I’m not sure.

[Sugar_eFarts @SugarFarts]

It’s pronounced “Spongebob Square Dance.”

[Sugar_eFarts @SugarFarts]

Why do all the hot new millennial pop music artists all sound like they just woke up and can barely muster the energy to form words?

[Sugar_eFarts @SugarFarts]

The amount of Chex mix morsels I unintentionally loose to the floor is saddening.

[Sugar_eFarts @SugarFarts]

I’ve reached can-now-shit-talk-back-and-forth-to-my-parents years old.

[Sugar_eFarts @SugarFarts]

No need to put “Update:” in your Tinder bio. It’s not a news article we’ll be referencing at a later time. This is also the first time we’re reading your bio, so we don’t know or care about what you’ve changed.

#TheMoreYouKnow

[Sugar_eFarts @SugarFarts]

Lots of people getting married off this “90 day finance” show. You’d think that go against any sound financial advice. But I’m clearly no expert.

[Sugar_eFarts @SugarFarts]

Hey Jill

Whatcha doing with that gum in your hair?

[Sugar_eFarts @SugarFarts]

Neo: There is no spoon

Me: Bitch please, then how the fuck am I eating this cereal?

[Sugar_eFarts @SugarFarts]

When you order a thing and are impatiently waiting for that thing to finally arrive so you can enjoy that thing, do you rewatch/reread the only 6 reviews you can find about the thing over and over and over again? Is that just me?

[Sugar_eFarts @SugarFarts]

The journey to find my human soulmate is paved in pain, fantasy, anxiety, and depression.

I’m tired of trying. Life is too fucking short.

[Sugar_eFarts @SugarFarts]

[redacted tweet of self pitty]

Sigh.