midge 🜏

they must have amnesia, they forgot that i’m him. perpetually on one

[midge 🜏 @Suh_buda]

things we hate:

- to see it

- it here

[midge 🜏 @Suh_buda]

working from home SUCKS i’ve accomplished 3 tasks since 8am and ive eaten 4 meals this ain’t it

[cole @juul_survivor]

My uber just went over a pothole and it made me follow the person I was stalking on instagram

[shar @sharloola]

no i actually noticed that social cue i just don’t know what to do with it

[Dan Arrows @Dan_Arrows]

3 hour drive ahead and wife just asked why WW1 broke out

[Gary Treeman @PurpyNFL]

Might as well go to the hardware store and buy a dowel. Bamboo in a perfect stick contest…fucking joke is what it is

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

give a man a fish, awesome. give a man two fish, even better

[໊ @sonohoor]

after a while, you realize “this ain’t what i wanna keep going through” and you just stop

[ARUUU ⏾⋆₊˚⊹ @DeputyARUUU]

I could never uninstall this app

[Miles⁉️🔞 @Miles_Mandel]

they put you in the squid ward

[sleepy cowboy @HughGriffin2]

Stop eating pho with a foe and come eat pho with a bruh

[The Sensitive Warrior @coffeetime33]

asking the waiter for her phone number and then texting her “can i have more coffee?” two minute later

[rubie 🐱 (they/them) @zootzsnoots]

this place is a prison

[thankyouryan! @vtbryanlegend]

I hate to admit but this tweet is the reason I never joined the military. Seeing this at 16 changed the trajectory of my life

[sliccmic 𖤐 @sliccmic]

me: they should offer a discount if the uber stank
oomf: nooo everyone would be like lets take the uber stank its cheaper

[Doc Jaylen McDaniels (Monkey) @docmcdaniels]

Did this guy just expose an internal presentation on his burner?

[david c. porter (read NTTN) @toomuchistrue]

one year ago today, the carp suddenly swam differently. do you remember where you were?

[midge 🜏 @Suh_buda]

@NatoriousX0 can i have a piece

[kira 👾 @kirawontmiss]

ㅤ

[The JRE Companion @TheJRECompanion]

Your uncle shows up to the BBQ with his 'recently divorced' buddy