Sampson Summers

Wine and cheese connoisseur

[Sampson Summers @Summers_Sampson]

Absolutely trading farts with my uber driver. I think we are both trying to one up each other at this point. Going back and forth like Ali vs. Frazier. Might be re-writing “the fight of the century” here folks.

[Sampson Summers @Summers_Sampson]

New year, same hung

[Sampson Summers @Summers_Sampson]

Just realized I am a righty in all aspects of life except picking my nose

[Sampson Summers @Summers_Sampson]

@yung_panini Ya agreed it’s an absolute joke

[Sampson Summers @Summers_Sampson]

The rate at which I’m moving in this traffic to Cape Cod I should be able to kill a 12 pack of brews no questions asked

[Sampson Summers @Summers_Sampson]

Apology to all Uber drivers but I will be picking my nose and flicking boogies in the Uber. No disrespect.

[Sampson Summers @Summers_Sampson]

“ALWAYS BREWED USING THE CHOICEST HOPS, BEST BARLEY MALT, AND RICE” -Bud Light

[Sampson Summers @Summers_Sampson]

One hand in the shnoz the other on the ballsack (yes I’m tweeting this with my cock)

[Sampson Summers @Summers_Sampson]

First time in Grand Central Station thought this place only existed in the Madagascar movie. Pretty cool.

[Sampson Summers @Summers_Sampson]

Panera is definitely overpriced but a cinnamon crunch bagel with cream cheese fresh out of the toaster is worth the $5.79 and wow will it get your boots moving on a Friday morning!

[Sampson Summers @Summers_Sampson]

Anyone else feel wicked uncomfortable asking for another guys snap

[Sampson Summers @Summers_Sampson]

I couldn’t give a single fuck if your car “Climbed Mt. Washington”. And last time I checked cars couldn’t climb.

[Sampson Summers @Summers_Sampson]

My farts could be used as a war weapon right now. If used correctly I think they could eliminate multiple medium sized countries

[Sampson Summers @Summers_Sampson]

Feel like the Toronto Maple Leafs the way I last 5 seconds in the first round

[Sampson Summers @Summers_Sampson]

I’m in a bit of a pickle. I have an ugly Christmas sweater party tomorrow but don’t have one. Is going naked my only option? Not sure what else to do here.

[Sampson Summers @Summers_Sampson]

I never realize I need to take a shit until the second I sit down for an exam

[Sampson Summers @Summers_Sampson]

My razor probably thinks I’m a comedian when I shave thinking I’ll get any play in the next 2 weeks

[Sampson Summers @Summers_Sampson]

“Yoooooo Saturday was a movie”. The movie: Hey siri coolest ever Fortnite clips ever on YouTube

[Sampson Summers @Summers_Sampson]

Death, taxes, and peeing in the shower

[Sampson Summers @Summers_Sampson]

I strongly dislike the birds that send you that once a year snap on their birthday