My ex cheated on me. I was devastated.
Friend: You should send her something petty.
Me: Like what?
Friend: Flowers. But make it WEIRD.
I found a florist in Nakameguro.
Florist: What's the occasion?
Me: Revenge.
Florist: eyes light up, Tell me everything.
I explained the situation.
Florist: I have the PERFECT arrangement.
He made a bouquet of:
- Dead roses
- Wilted liliesย
- A single cactus
- Card that said: "Hope your new relationship goes as well as these flowers"
Me: This is beautiful.
Florist: I've been WAITING for a customer like you.
Week later: He texted me.
Florist: "Did she get them?"
Me: "Yes. She's furious."
Florist: "Excellent. Tell your friends."
Month 2: I recommended him to a coworker going through a breakup.
Coworker: He made me a bouquet of ONIONS.
Me: Why onions?
Coworker: "To make your ex cry as much as they made you cry."
Coworker: It was GENIUS.
Month 4: The florist had a WAITLIST.
All revenge flowers.
His shop window sign: "Flowers for Every Occasion - ESPECIALLY Bad Ones"
Month 6: He went VIRAL on Japanese Twitter.
A celebrity ordered revenge flowers for her ex.
Posted a photo.
The florist got 500 orders in a week.
News article: "Tokyo Florist Specializes in 'Spite Bouquets'"
Month 8: He opened a SECOND LOCATION.
Hired staff specifically trained in "emotional damage floral design."
Me: You've created an empire.
Florist: I'm just helping people express their feelings.
Me: With dead plants.
Florist: With THERAPEUTIC dead plants.
Month 10: Someone ordered revenge flowers for ME.
Delivery guy: Package for you.
Inside: Beautiful fresh flowers. Card: "For inspiring the pettiest business in Tokyo. Thank you. - The Florist"
Me: crying
Month 12: His shop expanded to "revenge gifts."
- Chocolate that says "Sweet like the lies you told"
- Teddy bears with VERY passive aggressive messages
- Cakes that spell out "I'm over you (but also fuck you)"
Revenue: ยฅ15 million/month.
Present day:
The florist is opening locations in Osaka and Kyoto.
He offered me a partnership.
Florist: 10% equity. You were the first revenge customer.
Me: I just ordered flowers!
Florist: You INSPIRED me. This is your legacy.
I took the deal.
I now own 10% of Japan's largest spite-based floral company.
My ex sent me a message last week: "I can't believe you started this."
Me: I didn't start it. I just ordered flowers.
Her: You've created a MONSTER.
Me: *looking at quarterly profits* A very profitable monster.
Revenge is a dish best served with wilted roses apparently.
Cancer surgeon here. People like to point out that childfree women have a slightly increased risk for breast cancer without mentioning they have ZERO risk for:
- Perineal tears + fecal incontinence
- Preeclampsia
- Amniotic fluid embolism ๏ฟผ
- Bladder, uterine, or rectal prolapse
- Diastasis recti
- Peripartum cardiomyopathy
- Postpartum depression
- Chronic pain from pelvic nerve damage
Stop shaming childfree women and start appreciating that families come in many flavors.