Sucat ☠️

21 - Love reading, writing, listening to music and watching wrestling. Proud Slytherin. She/Her. Icon by @soraabora.

[Sucat ☠️ @SurviveFinality]

Okay, I've decided I'm leaving this godforsaken hell site, but I didn't want to go silent after the tweets I posted yesterday. That'd be ludicrously cruel, if anyone noticed.
So, yeah. Met some cool people, but it's Facebook levels of Bad for My Mental Health right now. Peace.

[Sucat ☠️ @SurviveFinality]

Now that I'm slightly calmer. This is a word of advice: all people have on the Internet are your words, emojis and gifs. Essentially, all they have is what you share with them. Tell me what here indicates that anything was wrong.

[Sucat ☠️ @SurviveFinality]

I may have been letting some feelings fester for a few weeks. But, god, I feel better now.

[Sucat ☠️ @SurviveFinality]

Like - that's not a thing. At all. Miscommunication and misremembering. No one has ever in their life twisted the narrative they tell themselves and other people to make themselves look better. Totally not a fucking thing. Totally.

[Sucat ☠️ @SurviveFinality]

IT'S NOT LIKE EYEWITNESS TESTIMONY IS FAMOUSLY UNRELIABLE. IT'S NOT LIKE THE MOOD YOU'RE IN WHEN YOU REMEMBER SOMETHING DISTORTS YOUR MEMORY. IT'S NOT FUCKING LIKE A MEMORY CHANGES EVERY FUCKING TIME YOU ACCESS IT.

[Sucat ☠️ @SurviveFinality]

Like - just. Fucking. Maybe, the way someone remembers something happening ISN'T THE FUCKING WAY IT HAPPENED. JUST. FUCKING. MAYBE. JUST A TEENSY TINY FUCKING LITTLE ITSY BITY BIT.

[Sucat ☠️ @SurviveFinality]

PERHAPS THE PERSON SAYING THEY HAD THEIR BOUNDARY STEPPED ON NEVER FUCKING EXPLAINED WHERE THE FUCK IT WAS! OR SAID THEY HAD A FUCKING PROBLEM! PERHAPS SOMETHING IS A MISCOMMUNICATION! JUST FUCKING MAYBE!

[Sucat ☠️ @SurviveFinality]

Like, just fucking PERHAPS. PERHAPS what someone is saying is guilt tripping and manipulative and shit is just MISCOMMUNICATION OVER THE FUCKING INTERNET, BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET TEASING ACROSS SO FUCKING WELL.

[Sucat ☠️ @SurviveFinality]

Maybe, maybe, if something happened in a DM, you should ask for the fucking DM! Like, I dunno, if it's a DM and there's no way it's going to court, ASK TO FUCKING SEE IT. PERHAPS THE REASON YOU'RE NOT SEEING IT IS BECAUSE IT DOESN'T MATCH THE NARRATIVE YOU'RE BEING TOLD.

[Sucat ☠️ @SurviveFinality]

Are there places where people should be believed without question? Definitely. Are there also places where you should stop and go "Hey, there should be something backing this accusation"? Definitely. So. Fucking. Much.

[Sucat ☠️ @SurviveFinality]

"Hey, Sucat, would you really cut people out of your life so easily?"
Well, if it's proven they'd turn against me the second someone accused me of something, regardless of the lack of evidence that should rightly be there, then, yeah. Snip snip, motherfucker.

[Sucat ☠️ @SurviveFinality]

The anger has eased a lot after talking, but, like - still not happy when I load into Twitter. However, I've noticed that I've become really disconnected from BritWres. So - limiting number of real people, mainly just following wrestlers now.

[Sucat ☠️ @SurviveFinality]

It is one thing to tell someone "This is my boundary" and they cross it.
It is entirely another to not tell someone the boundary is there and to smile at them when they cross it, then complain to everyone else they crossed it. They didn't know, you signalled it was fine.

[Sucat ☠️ @SurviveFinality]

I'm back on a strictly trial basis to see if I can hold my temper and my tongue (as well as keep my heart rate down, whoops) for fifteen minutes a day. DM me if you need me outside of that late night fifteen minutes.

[Sucat ☠️ @SurviveFinality]

[cn suicidal ideation]
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(Space between warning and content)
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I just thought about how far one needs to fall to die, so I think I'm not doing well.

[Sucat ☠️ @SurviveFinality]

[cn self harm]

(Space between warning and actual content)

So my idle thoughts for the past hour have been, like, "Knife, please" and a strong desire to find out what scissors slicing through skin feels like and I think that's bad.

[Sucat ☠️ @SurviveFinality]

I'm so tired.

[Sucat ☠️ @SurviveFinality]

Okay, like, the cat rescue place is open on Mondays and since my classes cancelled, I could get on the lightrail and go pet cats for, like, an hour or so.

[Sucat ☠️ @SurviveFinality]

I have three classes and therapy on Mondays. Two of these things cancelled, but not the therapy (1p) nor my final class of the day (5:30p).
That's just completely unfair.

[Sucat ☠️ @SurviveFinality]

Well, I finally scheduled the appointment to declare my minor, so there's that.