Poison Bag Pokémon

[Poison Bag Pokémon @Swalot]

Oh, and they want me to pay the county back for the tracking monitor(s) I ate. GOOD LUCK, DUMBASSES! >:D

[Poison Bag Pokémon @Swalot]

Apparently if I get within 100 feet of a Little Ceasers I become a convicted felon. THIS FUCKING COUNTRY, AMIRITE???

[Poison Bag Pokémon @Swalot]

Just got off of 4 months probation. Dickbags at Little Ceaser's called police on me when I tried to tip the dumpster for old Hot'n'Readys.

[Poison Bag Pokémon @Swalot]

I was more shocked when it was good, it was like whipped cream but not sweet and instead sour.

[Poison Bag Pokémon @Swalot]

I got to the end of a buffet and saw Coolwhip in a bowl and slathered my pie with it and was shocked when it turned out to be sour cream.

[Poison Bag Pokémon @Swalot]

NEW SPAGHETTI RECIPE: Brick of Ramen Noodles + Packet of Ketchup. Don't boil water, it takes too long. Smear ketchup on brick, eat. Repeat

[Poison Bag Pokémon @Swalot]

In the time it took me to get a new 'drive I've been having bizarre dreams about this ship. The thing is the ship is made entirely of meat.

[Poison Bag Pokémon @Swalot]

Note to self: Try used keyboards delicious alternative to hard drive.

[Poison Bag Pokémon @Swalot]

Note to self: Eating hard drive is dumb/expensive as hell

[Poison Bag Pokémon @Swalot]

Shit, now I'm hungry again. :(

[Poison Bag Pokémon @Swalot]

WHO'S TERRIFYING WHO NOW, PROSPECTOR? Let's see you try to run down innocent gulpin WHEN YOUR DIGESTED, BITCH. >:D

[Poison Bag Pokémon @Swalot]

DEAR DIARY: ACHIEVED CHILDHOOD DREAM! Took me a whole week, but I have eaten an ENTIRE 1982 Dodge Prospector Van! I'M KING OF THE WORLD!!!

[Poison Bag Pokémon @Swalot]

I think I may need more ranch dressing. :/

[Poison Bag Pokémon @Swalot]

Additional unrelated note: that couch out by the curb is also solid.

[Poison Bag Pokémon @Swalot]

Unrelated note: Discarded newspaper stacks are solid.

[Poison Bag Pokémon @Swalot]

Just drank a bottle of ranch dressing. Seriously disappointed, need something solid to dip into it.

[Poison Bag Pokémon @Swalot]

Hot dog with peanut butter, jelly, and captain crunch on top. Amazing.

[Poison Bag Pokémon @Swalot]

@Zigzagoon Thanks again for the Sonly Plasma screen hook-up, lil' brotha. I don't know where you get the merchandise, and I DO NOT CARE! :D

[Poison Bag Pokémon @Swalot]

@SnorIax Here's the kicker: they know I come, AND THEY DON'T RAT ME OUT TO THE FUZZ. FUCKING A, SO AWESOME.

[Poison Bag Pokémon @Swalot]

@SnorIax I just happen to know that they dump the leftovers and clean out the drain traps on their dish washers at approximately 11:45 p.m.