Evan Sweeny

At least my mom thinks I'm funny

[Joshua X Metellus @NoExcuses_23]

Josh Metellus #ProBowlVote

Retweet and help my dream come true! Please and Thank you! #Skol

[Evan Sweeny @SweenyEvan]

I don't really get road rage... but every now and then I meet some people who deserve to have a red shell chucked at their car

[Joel Dahmen @Joel_Dahmen]

June isn't over yet, which means #pantsdrunkforcancer is still going strong. For every RT of this post, @thelongdrink will donate $5 to the Dahmen Family Foundation to support cancer research.

OR reply with a pic of yourself enjoying a LD in your boxers & they'll donate $10!

[Evan Sweeny @SweenyEvan]

@VamosAmos This guy sucks 👆

[Dion Dawkins @DDawkins66]

Denny Kellington let’s praise this name and person for reviving Our Brother Damar on the field. Denny gave CPR and chest compressions to get his Heart Back Beating #DennyKellington And also thank you to all the doctors and Medical professionals that have helped and assisted ❤️❤️3

[Evan Sweeny @SweenyEvan]

My favorite part about current political advertising is all of them promising to lower inflation and most of the greedy, parasitic vultures couldn't concisely explain how they'll do it. They think just saying "(their name) will cut costs for your family" is good enough

[Evan Sweeny @SweenyEvan]

Yeah, all politicians are spineless, useless, reptilian parasites, but why does #PerryJohnson look like he stole the face off a dead person to infiltrate the government?

[Evan Sweeny @SweenyEvan]

Here's the thing about dinosaur mac and cheese:

It's the same as regular mac and cheese but you get fun dino shapes.

[Evan Sweeny @SweenyEvan]

@jswami_niner Absolutely

[Evan Sweeny @SweenyEvan]

Chomping ice in da club

[Harvard Men's Hockey @HarvardMHockey]

Derek Schaedig now in net for Harvard! #GoCrimson

[Evan Sweeny @SweenyEvan]

@_Martdawg I'm pretty sure Crunch Berries are a fruit. Cap'n wouldn't lie to me like that

[Evan Sweeny @SweenyEvan]

#SquidGame is nuts man. Seriously seriously good. Highly recommend using original audio and subtitles though

[Evan Sweeny @SweenyEvan]

I gotta start saying "flatmate" more. "Flatmate" sounds classy as shit

[Evan Sweeny @SweenyEvan]

@el_ohEllie Straight up one of the funniest tweets I've read all June

[Evan Sweeny @SweenyEvan]

I hope my vaccine does turn me magnetic. Imagine a society where everyone is basically a refrigerator door. And then tell me that you don't want to live in it

[Evan Sweeny @SweenyEvan]

@TwitterSupport how many topics do I have to remove before you realize that I don't want to see any of your suggestions? Why isn't there any easy way to opt out?? A quick setting to switch? Anything?

[Evan Sweeny @SweenyEvan]

Literally anybody: *breathes*
Phil Mickelson: 👍

[Evan Sweeny @SweenyEvan]

Guernsey's chocolate milk has officially ruined me for all other chocolate milks