Swinney's Calculator

if John Swinney's Calculator could talk...

[Swinney's Calculator @Swinneyscalc]

People are mocking John about saying Scotland will be independent by 2029. Yet he used a state of the art detailed analysis tool before publishing the date.

[Swinney's Calculator @Swinneyscalc]

John has told everyone "Fresh Leadership has arrived".
People are now asking if he has resigned already.

[Swinney's Calculator @Swinneyscalc]

John is happy that he has proved to everyone that he is not a continuity candidate - by pretty much having the same cabinet as the previous First Ministers.

[Swinney's Calculator @Swinneyscalc]

John is so accommodating. He says he is willing to work with the unionists for the good of Scotland. Provided they stop being unionists and just do what he thinks.

[Swinney's Calculator @Swinneyscalc]

John's chuffed. He says he is now the boss and can make all the decisions once he runs them past Stephen Flynn, and maybe Patrick Harvie

[Swinney's Calculator @Swinneyscalc]

John's finally got his favourite pen working again and is now writing 'fresh chapter' on top of the stuff he wrote 20 years ago.

[Swinney's Calculator @Swinneyscalc]

Stephen F has just come in shouting that he wants to speak to 'the office temp' - I finally figured out he was refering to John Swinney.

[Swinney's Calculator @Swinneyscalc]

@blairmcdougall I calculated that 100% of the electorate voted for him. The electorate being anyone called Stephen Flynn and is also an MP.

[Swinney's Calculator @Swinneyscalc]

Bloody busy already. John is asking me to calculate the angle at which he needs to bend over backwards to please Patrick Harvie.

[Swinney's Calculator @Swinneyscalc]

Just done my first sum in a while. Added up all the people of Scotland who voted for John to be First Minister. That was easy.

[Swinney's Calculator @Swinneyscalc]

Wow. Just been turned back on. I assume it is 2016 still and John is turning me back on to calculate how many days we have been independent?

[Swinney's Calculator @Swinneyscalc]

John's boss is really annoyed that Scottish politicians in the Scottish Parliament who are angry about Scottish kids futures being damaged due to Scottish minister screw-ups in a wholly Scottish devolved area are not focusing on the key issue of England exam results.

[Swinney's Calculator @Swinneyscalc]

John says England has come back up with a better exam approach just to make him look bad. Which is unfair because that's his job.

[Swinney's Calculator @Swinneyscalc]

Poor Patrick, due to cut backs, the Scottish Greens are having to go from having two leaders to just being two faced. #SQAResultsFiasco

[Swinney's Calculator @Swinneyscalc]

John is saying the Scottish Greens have agreed to support him in at the confidence vote after intensive negotiations. Negotiations which involved them being told to vote for him, and them doing what they are told.

[Swinney's Calculator @Swinneyscalc]

If credibility was a person, John would be seeing if there is space next to Trevor under that Brookside patio. #SQAResultsFiasco

[Swinney's Calculator @Swinneyscalc]

Phew. Apparently if you say sorry that means everyone can forget that you were warned in advance about it and still screwed up.

[Swinney's Calculator @Swinneyscalc]

I have not been kept in such big suspence on whether the Scottish Greens will support the SNP since wondering if the sun will rise tomorrow.

[Swinney's Calculator @Swinneyscalc]

John and Nicola are really looking forward to getting this #SQAResultsFiasco sorted so they can get back to their day job of pointing out how bad England is at some stuff.

[Swinney's Calculator @Swinneyscalc]

Just using my spellchecker to check Patrick Harvie's speech today. Peter Murrell has only just finished it. Had to do a search and replace on the phrase 'our massive U-turn'.