Switz Daddy

I want to rage. Right now.

[Switz Daddy @SwitzDaddy]

There is an irony to the Arbor Day Foundation wanting to send me a non-native fast growing tree species. They appear to be focused on just having more trees and not putting the right trees in the right places.

[Switz Daddy @SwitzDaddy]

Tryna figure out if I'm a bad person when I see an old person board the plane and hoping they are not able or willing to assist in the event of an emergency so I get the upgrade to an exit row.

[Switz Daddy @SwitzDaddy]

The dude in front of me at the coffee shop ordered "6 shots of espresso, no milk" and the barista looked at him like he confessed to murder

[Switz Daddy @SwitzDaddy]

Crossing my fingers and hoping boygenius releases a sad girl cover of Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer for next Christmas

[Switz Daddy @SwitzDaddy]

Someone learned I played football and asked my opinion about my take on the upcoming tournament and i had to admit that I'd mainly been focused on the Minnesota flag redesign instead of college football

[Switz Daddy @SwitzDaddy]

Planning to bring up the 1.4 billion pounds of cheese stockpiled under Missouri at Xmas dinner with the long game of convincing my family they are actually in favor of government subsidies and just never knew it

[Switz Daddy @SwitzDaddy]

I'm not a fashion expert but I feel like Yukon Cornelius is peek gorp core.

[Switz Daddy @SwitzDaddy]

I just heard a Creed song for the first time in ten years and unironically liked. I don't fully know what this means for me but I think I'm officially middle aged.

[Switz Daddy @SwitzDaddy]

New life goal since I've seen five of these mfs driving around like this tonight:

I wanna run from the sidewalk and jump into a moving Amaxon delivery van through the open sidedoor

[Switz Daddy @SwitzDaddy]

You know how some people in the office need the feedback, "This meeting could have been an email..."? I feel like more authors need feedback of, "This book could have been a TED Talk..."

[Switz Daddy @SwitzDaddy]

So proud that my Youtube Music Year in Review (Spotify Wrapped for losers) nailed my music tastes as good vibes and sadness

[Switz Daddy @SwitzDaddy]

One of the cats pukes outside my door and I just had to tweet about it.

[Switz Daddy @SwitzDaddy]

I've got this old alarm clock radio. It's so old that it played Backstreet Boys and Everclear in my Rosendale bedroom when I was a kid. I still have it plugged in by my bed after all these years. I still reset it for daylight savings and all. But, there is static on it sometimes

[Switz Daddy @SwitzDaddy]

And my dog picks up his head, alert, nostrils flared... and I feel like a voice from the past or another dimension is about to talk to me through the static...

[Switz Daddy @SwitzDaddy]

Normal people: Well, that's quite serendipitous...

My midwest ass: Well, ain't that a coinkeedink

[Switz Daddy @SwitzDaddy]

When it comes to music I want to listen to on the way home - There are two wolves inside of you. One wants to listen to MF DOOM and another wants to listen to ABBA

[Switz Daddy @SwitzDaddy]

I didn't want to work so much today that someone told me they were doing a potluck for Thanksgiving that I made this meme instead of sending emails

[Switz Daddy @SwitzDaddy]

Hit a new low in my life today. I was halfway through eating a banana that isn't peeling correctly and doesn't taste quite right and my gf asks me why I'm eating a plantain.