CougarTalk

50-something and single, swimming in a pool of 20- and 30-somethings, savoring every reward and consequence.

[CougarTalk @TalkCougar]

Women are the most sexually experimental between the ages of 45 and 55.

Men are the most sexually functional between the ages of 18 and 25.

Do what you want with this information.

I highly recommend using it to your advantage.

[CougarTalk @TalkCougar]

@Jennnyyyy2 2

[CougarTalk @TalkCougar]

@KettlebellDan 1!! Yummy!

[CougarTalk @TalkCougar]

@ConnopPaul Exactly!

[CougarTalk @TalkCougar]

Stupid Bumble Boy,

Your penis size is irrelevant.

But thanks for the “fair warning”.

Because now I know you’re a douchebag with a pea-sized brain.

Which is relevant.

Because I’ll fuck all sizes of dick.

But I won’t fuck a pea-sized brain.

Get a fucking clue.

[CougarTalk @TalkCougar]

@jslawfl Thank you! I agree!

[CougarTalk @TalkCougar]

Wise Twitter Peeps,

Please enlighten me.

What’s up with boys not wanting to wear condoms for casual sex anymore?

Last time I checked, STDs are still a thing.

And if we’re not exclusive, I’m not rolling those dice.

The universe keeps sending me boys who love to gamble. 😳

[CougarTalk @TalkCougar]

The grass is greener on the side that you water more.

Grow your own fucking happiness.

[CougarTalk @TalkCougar]

Stupid Boys,

Stop confusing dating apps with phone sex lines.

If I wanted to talk dirty upon matching, I wouldn’t waste time swiping/messaging douche hats like you.

I’d start a 1-800 # and charge $5 a minute for that shit.

Stop trying to get it for free.

Get a fucking clue.

[CougarTalk @TalkCougar]

Someone out there needs to see this today:

You are not too old.

And it’s no too late.

[CougarTalk @TalkCougar]

Sometimes you should grab her.

And dance with her.

With no music.

Randomly on the street.

Just dance.

[CougarTalk @TalkCougar]

@Tinder_Hearted Yes!!!

[CougarTalk @TalkCougar]

Don’t settle for being someone’s option.

You deserve more.

You deserve to be someone’s first choice.

Every time.

That someone is looking for you.

Wait for them.

#loveyourself

[CougarTalk @TalkCougar]

Daily Reminders

1. Be kind

2. Be humble

3. Be thankful

4. Don’t accept anyone’s fucked up bullshit

[CougarTalk @TalkCougar]

You aren’t wealthy until you have something money can’t buy.

—Garth Brooks

[CougarTalk @TalkCougar]

@ElecmanTerry Thank you! ❤️

[CougarTalk @TalkCougar]

Here’s my advice

1. Yes, swipe right on the hot boy 25 years younger/sexy woman 25 years older.

2. No, don’t do McDonald’s for dinner. Eat some real fucking food.

3. Tequila. Straight up.

[CougarTalk @TalkCougar]

A disco ball uses hundreds of pieces of broken glass to project magical light.

I am not broken.

I am a disco ball.

[CougarTalk @TalkCougar]

Reason #73 why some people are single…

Her: You are a fucking hot mess!

Him: You think I’m hot?

[CougarTalk @TalkCougar]

I met a yummy boy on Bumble.

He’s 33, full-time engineer, working remotely.

Instead of having a home, he travels the world, couch surfing, staying in Airbnbs.

Last night he couch surfed in my bed.

Naked.

It was delicious.

Naked couch surfing is now my favorite sport.

[CougarTalk @TalkCougar]

There is a time to wait for your ship to come in.

There is also a time to swim out to that motherfucker.

—RQueen