Thomas

The dank engine.
Full time chach

[Thomas @TAMcFlames]

Ur in her DMs, i am in my own tweet drafts coming up with this piece of shit we are not the same

[Thomas @TAMcFlames]

ER nurse just thanked me bc I'm the third (3rd) patient they've seen today that actually got the vaccine. Say what you want about my city

[Thomas @TAMcFlames]

So fucked up how some people are named geoff instead of jeff and we just let them do that

[Thomas @TAMcFlames]

Ok liberals- how is my brain supposed to produce serotonin with no profit incentive?

[Thomas @TAMcFlames]

Instead of saying "I know thas right" I will now be affirming people with "we hold this truth to be self-evident"

[Thomas @TAMcFlames]

I am a pickle hater, and a tomato apologist. If this offends your sandwich sensibilities go ahead and unfollow

[Thomas @TAMcFlames]

@Soupzoncampbell I literally took a BATH in my porcelain-steel tub during a thunderstorm yesterday. If I die I die

[Thomas @TAMcFlames]

Alright. Just gotta get through this week, then I have the weekend off. Then I just gotta get through next week, and then the next 40 years or until I die

[Thomas @TAMcFlames]

I am bravely breaking the mold by having a good IQ but knowing absolutely nothing of value

[Thomas @TAMcFlames]

Happy 4th I do not believe in the american dream anymore but I can celebrate Britain getting that ass smoked

[Thomas @TAMcFlames]

I dont even drink caffeine at work anymore, I just go activate my dive reflex in the bathroom 12 times per day

[Thomas @TAMcFlames]

"Just chilling/hanging out" are my most powerful phrases. Nobody will question this response.
"How's it going?"
"What's up?"
"Any updates on that project?" "What are you doing with your life?"
"Any reason for speeding?"
"How does the defendant plead?"

-> "Just chilling 👍"

[Thomas @TAMcFlames]

One of the few things I've learned in my 25 years is you absolutely need to watch out for people that pronounce "quadruple" like "kajorple"

[Thomas @TAMcFlames]

A picture of a dog that I thought was funny in 2012 is now making me significant financial gains. All part of the Plan

[Thomas @TAMcFlames]

I just know my ancestors are looking down at my tweets and thinking what a waste it all was

[Thomas @TAMcFlames]

Unpopular opinion here, I might get some pushback on this one. But I'm just gonna say it: I like dogs

[Thomas @TAMcFlames]

I would've simply made the Suez canal wider

[Thomas @TAMcFlames]

Cant believe somebody at work had the audacity to ask me if I watch the walking dead. "Watch." Present tense. I'm sick. I said I stopped at season 5 and he said theres SEVENTEEN seasons now. How. Why

[Thomas @TAMcFlames]

Using my stimmy money to buy mario kart 8 again, years after selling it. Truly what a foolish young man I was. this game is the bomb

[Thomas @TAMcFlames]

In actual fact I am just uncomfortable with strong emotions and positive affirmation thanks for understanding

[Thomas @TAMcFlames]

I dont want any younger people looking up to me and I dont want any older people "seeing themselves in me" I am nothing like you mfs