Tate Johnson

Uh, my name is Tate

[UberFacts @UberFacts]

A North Korean official who was also Kim Jong Un's uncle was executed for clapping half-heartedly when Kim was elected.

[Tate Johnson @taterrss]

One of the worst things is having a spouse who snores and sleeps in the middle of the bed

[Tate Johnson @taterrss]

"I thought you were a guy because of your name" -a lady who I email every week that I finally met in person

[Tate Johnson @taterrss]

I just saw a grown man take a cologne sample from a magazine and rub it all over his neck.

[Tate Johnson @taterrss]

When girls from you high school get married at a brewery down the street from where you got married

[Tate Johnson @taterrss]

It's like the employees at sonic are never prepared

[UberFacts @UberFacts]

The more intelligent a child is, the earlier they begin to lie and the better they are at it.

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Courtroom Artist Clearly Infatuated With Bailiff https://t.co/65QyXVzfnw

[Jackie Jennings @ohhijackie]

"Who paid for you?" he whispered. But the old wall keeps her secrets.

[Tate Johnson @taterrss]

@BurgerKing I always have countless problems whenever I go to one of your restaurants

[Tate Johnson @taterrss]

She also hit a curb while leaving.

[Tate Johnson @taterrss]

Also she was asking about everything on the sonic menu like she's never been to a fast food place.

[Tate Johnson @taterrss]

This old lady cleaned her windows in this windy weather so the water splashed me and she just laughed.

[Tate Johnson @taterrss]

Wow I hate Arizona

[Tate Johnson @taterrss]

So it's okay for me to come in and work but I can't participate in a pot luck because I'm sick. Cool.

[Tate Johnson @taterrss]

It's wonderful when people think you're faking your illness even though you have a doctors note and 5 medications.

[Tate Johnson @taterrss]

How is it okay for adults to mock you for having anxiety?

[Tate Johnson @taterrss]

Eye rolling is an art

[Tate Johnson @taterrss]

Hearing the same creepy noise as someone else is never comforting