Emma

Smarter than the average bear

[trash jones @jzux]

i am begging life to stop giving me lemons. i wanted money

[memes.xlsx @ExcelHumor]

how to have a good day:

1) close excel

[Emma @Teentinymonster]

@CotswoldOutdoor hi! I just bought a set of hiking poles from you and realised after leaving that there was only one in the bag. As I planned to use them on a hike tomorrow and the shop is now closed - is there a way to get a partial refund to cover the missing pole?

[Dr Helen Ingram @drhingram]

While we’re worrying about AI, the bollards are planning a global revolution

[e③ @ricciardopics]

the winner of the australian gp

[F1 TROLL @f1trollofficial]

Red Bull sponsors when the car is so fast it's not even broadcasted

[Consulting Comedy @consultingcmdy]

Most meeting are about meeting to discuss meetings and prepare for meetings to align on the date of the next meeting.

[Mollie Goodfellow @hansmollman]

well, well, well if it isn’t all my “we’ll deal with it in January” chickens home to roost

[innocent drinks @innocent]

TO CHILDREN ON NEW YEAR'S EVE
Sorry about the noise but aren't party poppers fun?

TO 18-35 YEAR OLDS
Have a great time. Don't worry about the new people you'll save in your phone. They don't want to keep in touch either.

TO EVERYONE ELSE
Enjoy the Hootenanny. You've earnt it.

[memes.xlsx @ExcelHumor]

being an adult is having a strong preference over starting a new spreadsheet in cell A1 or B1

[Emma @Teentinymonster]

@thameswater hello, we currently have no water pressure in our house (we've checked the stopcock and the pipes aren't frozen). How do we report an issue? This is in the BR5 area

[Emma @Teentinymonster]

@AvantiWestCoast I believe I'm in H

[Emma @Teentinymonster]

@AvantiWestCoast Hi; I'm travelling on your 17:12 train from Manchester Piccadilly to London Euston, in the first class section. I just wanted to know if there's planned to be any food/drink service as there's been no announcements on how we can get this. Thanks!

[Emma @Teentinymonster]

@AvantiWestCoast Hi Lucy - thanks for that! I've just been told I'm in a "dual carriage" (seems the branding on the coach isnt updated), so is it still possible to get food service? Just worried if I try to move to the full first class section, I may not have a seat for the rest of the journey

[BBC Sport @BBCSport]

"I don't start clapping when they're scanning **** at a supermarket do I?" 😳

Nick Kyrgios was far from happy with some spectators watching his match 👀

#Wimbledon #BBCTennis

[Steve Hogarty @misterbrilliant]

Sue Gray slowly drags a JPEG of Boris Johnson into her Microsoft Word document. The formatting gets all messed up. Paragraphs are indented by five inches. Every third page is blank now. She glances at the clock in panic.

[Richard Osman @richardosman]

I'm going to need a couple of stiff workplace events to get over this.

[Emma @Teentinymonster]

@HM_Passport hi - I'm applying for a new passport to change my surname (after marriage) and read that I can keep my maiden name on the new passport (as I'm using it professionally). I can't see this option on the online application - could you let me know where to find this?

[Larry the Cat @Number10cat]

Tuesday?! Days have lost all meaning. The calendar is now just defined by eating and sleeping. You are all officially cats.