Temason ole

Maasai
B.A.Public Administration....

proud son of nadug'oro

[Ole Teya @TeyaKevin]

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

😂

[Ja Leto @_falsi1ke]

Bro to bro: Why does someone who has more than you still get jealous of you?

[mlks @maliks_88]

dial *100*100# and you would have saved yourself from the mulot boys and sim swapping merchants.

its a 2 seconds thing but a lifetime saver.

[MRR ADDY  @vibewithmraddy]

we try again today 💪🏾🚀🤲🏾

[Ja Loka @_fels1]

Here are the 5 documentaries you should watch this weekend:

1. The TikTok Killer
2. American Doctor
3. Lois Theroux: Inside the Manosphere
4. The Plastic Detox
5. Can't Look Away

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

Hitler was a socialist, therefore all socialists are Hitler

[Troll Football @TrollFootball]

Alexander Sørloth

[Eve Maina @evenmaina]

End of an era: This is the end of any form of political commentary from me on this account until this regime is gone. No threats have come my way, no fear. Just a realization that we actually deserve Ruto as a collective punishment at this point in this country.🇰🇪🇰🇪

[Inyang 💕 @inikoriinyang]

Guys, I got removed from the office group chat after my boss said, “Lateness shows lack of discipline,” and I replied, “Delayed salaries show lack of motivation.” 🫩😭

[Soipan Tuya E.G.H @SoipanTuya]

In support of the 15 billion national tree-growing campaign, today I led a tree-growing exercise at Loita Forest in Narok County.

Ministry of Defence personnel, both uniformed members of the Kenya Defence Forces (KDF) and civilian staff, participated alongside the local community and key stakeholders.

This initiative forms part of the national effort to restore our ecosystems and sustainably expand Kenya’s tree cover.

We planted 20,000 indigenous tree seedlings and an additional 2,500 fruit seedlings to support both ecological restoration and community livelihoods. In addition, we dispersed 250,000 indigenous seedballs, bringing the total number of seedlings established at Loita Forest today to 275,500.

The Ministry of Defence remains committed to advancing the Government’s climate action agenda. Through the KDF Environmental Soldier Programme, we have planted over 132 million trees over the past three years, demonstrating that our duty to defend the nation extends to protecting its natural resources and securing a sustainable future.

I was joined, for today’s tree growing exercise, by PS Forestry, Mr. Gitonga Mugambi; Narok County Commissioner, Mr. Kipkech Lotiata; Col. Dennis Tialal, who is in charge of environmental security at the KDF; local leaders; National Government Administration Officers; and a host of other key stakeholders.

@kdfinfo

[Eve Maina @evenmaina]

😂😂😂 Hizi ndio video hufanya chai ya statehouse ionje muarubaine.

[X @X]

このアプリは絶対に消さない

[George T. Diano @georgediano]

NAIROBI!! NAIROBI!! NAIROBI!!.

Lemme beat for you guys a story. You see, my cousin Lumadede is a very smooth operator, ako na mdomo tamu kuliko Kasongo. This ninja texted me, “Oya bro, nitumie mia mbili, malaya atani dunga kisu.” Mimi kama kijana mzuri nikasema, lemme sponsor his appetite for value addition services,, there’s literally no need for my brother to connect to Sayuni’s WiFi signal just because of mia mbwexe.

This was back in 2015 while I was still a comrade at UoN, surviving on tapped water & chapo dondo. By mistake, I sent Omwami 2,000 instead of 200. Ladies & gentlemen, that was the last time I ever heard from that idiot.

He even skipped our grandma’s funeral because he knew the IMF officer would be around, na kusema ukweli lazima angekula mavidevu. Imagine kuosha comrade elfu mbili pesa taslimu enzi za Uhuruto, na ile nje hukua UoN hapana macheso.

Fast forward to last Sunday, nimetulia tu kwa nyumba na nawatch Jakom akisindikizwa Sayuni. Tangu mama Liam anipoint na kisu after nilikuja kwa nyumba nikinuka mtura na supper nilikua nimewaletea managu, siku hizi kutoka nje weekend pengine nikienda kuanika manguo huko rooftop.

Nikiwa katikati harakati ya kushout Jowi Jowi Jowi, naona new number inanipigia. Nikishika, nasikia sauti familiar,, it’s Omwami Lumadede, kijana mjinga kama babake. He's calling me 10yrs later. Even before I could rant, Omwami akaniambia, “Bro, kale kadeni kako nakulipa times 10 leo, nilipata kazi GDC, kuja club 1824 tukule kanyama.”

Ilibidi nitoke kwa nyumba ki-sniper, mimi huyo moja kwa moja mpaka 1824. Lemme tell you, Maina, sijai ona club iko na warembo namna hiyo,, madem wote walikua type yangu. So I met Omwami, and indeed, it seems life was soft on his end juu kijana hadi ametoa kitambi, na kwa meza amewekelea Glenfiddich.

He was in the company of two ladies. One was very fine looking, all succulent, with average sianda and standing boobies with tirries pointing Kitengela, while the other was a plus size gari kubwa zaidi, a bit older, let’s say in her early 40s & the nyondos had already obeyed the law of gravity.

Kama kawa, mimi huwa sipendi gari kubwa, so I told Saimo lazima anipige sub huko kwa fire body, and Saimo told me it’s fine, yeye ile shimo anaogopa ni kaburi tu. But even with a fine damsel on my side, I couldn’t help but notice the other bales that were present at the club.

That club has very beautiful babes kiawa, but I guess it’s because they usually have Old Skull Sundays where they play RnB & Jaz music. Nani watoto wakona hela zao, they just come to enjoy themselves not hunting.

Nilienda kusalimia Mmoja akaniambia “Eeew, I'm deaf I can't hear you” na nilimpata akiimba solidaad,, Wooi Nyasaye, i have sofaad!! Anyway, so this ninja calls the waiter and asks her to take my order. Kusemaa ukweli mbele ya Yehova Wanyonyi, sijawai onja Glenfiddich juu mimi mlalahoi nimezoea KC GINGER.

I told the waiter to just bring a glass so I can escort the elites to the land of the living. On top of that, nikaitisha kuku wet fry with a strict order,, kafiriri iwekewe kangemi. Very nice,, so the food came and I did justice to it. After a few shots of mutindi, nilianza kuona ata hii gari ingine si kubwa sana,, it’s manageable.

I started seeing my own things and slowly undressing her with my eyes. I imagined stretch marks everywhere, starting from milima na mabonde all the way to the cracks of Galileo. Kwanza huwa naskia this old mamas comes with bags of experience from being retired Ngono kantes.

Sikhendu elders said the older the pot, the sweeter the soup! Those women above 35 are like fine wine, seasoned, marinated, and professionally certified in the Ministry of Experience. They don’t do trial and error, they cook emotions with precision, serve love with garnish, and leave you quoting the national anthem in slow motion.

Ask Guardian Angel, our boy is glowing like a Morocco lizard. Kazi ni kumumunya mkombero na kujituma tu. They say once you’ve tasted the wisdom of these elders, those small girls start looking like unfinished assignments. Getting your man back from a young girl is possible... but from an older woman, even kamotee won’t help you.

No wonder the president of France is the youngest in his family,, he’s younger than his last born. Ogopa hawa wamama wazee kabisa. Anyway, zangu zilishika, nikaona ata hiyo gari ingine si mzee sana. After all, the older the guitar, the better the tune.

Remember, when sugarcane grows old, it returns sweetness at the buttocks,, sorry bottom. And my Russian people say: old banana has no methina. It was now around 7 PM, the sun was clocking out, and the mosquitoes were clocking in.

The young damsel looked at Omwami and said, “Baby, give me the car keys, I need to get my sweater.” Alaaas! Omwami also has a car? Indeed, life was beginning to smile at him with all 32 teeth! The girl gracefully cat-walked out to get her “sweater,” and after two minutes, she came back saying, “Eeeh babe, the car door has refused to open.”

Being a gentleman and slightly suspicious engineer of the waistline, Omwami stood up, dusted his trousers, and said, “Let me go check.” Ladies and gentlemen… that was the last time I saw Omwami Lumadede in the land of the living.

At first, we thought maybe Omwami had gone to measure the diameter or test the gear system located beneath his wandawea. Thirty minutes later,,, silence. We gave them another 30 minutes,, still no sign. The only thing left at the table was the smell of whiskey and betrayal.

Just as I was preparing to launch a missing person report, the waiter approached with the energy of KRA during tax season, holding the bill like a court summons. When I reached my pocket to get my phone to call Omwami… my Oppo is GONE!

I looked at Big Momma and said, “Call Omwami.” She also reached her bag, looked inside, and shouted, “Jesu Kristo wa Nazareti! My phone & my money is gone too” Before I could even say pole, Big Momma fainted like an old television losing signal.

There I was, one man, one bill, and a bouncer built like a water tank staring at me. I picked up the bill and my eyes nearly resigned from service, Ksh 38,000 pesa taslimu! My heart whispered “run,” but my dignity whispered “utajua hujui.”

Before I could even fake a stroke, the bouncers had already surrounded me like a live band. One said, “Boss, how do you wish to settle?” I said, “Spiritually.” Thanks to club 1824 management, they handled my case with utmost humanity, they massaged me a little & only took my dignity, shoes and belt, not my soul.

If it was another club, probably I would be tasting Sayuni's WiFi signal from a distance. Lemme tell you maina, nilipelekwa huko nyuma na bouncer, nilipepeta jiko usiku mzima ndio kastomaas wasikose moto ya kuvutaa shisha,, by the time nilikua namalizia kuchonga ngunia ya pili ya waru, sikua na Nguvu ya kuosha viombo.

I could have avoided all these struggles if only I had called Mama Liam to send me something small to settle the bill. The problem was that I never asked for her permission before launching an escapade.

I asked the bouncer, “Why hasn't the fat lady been dragged for punishment too. We ate & drank free tings with her,, where’s gender equality” The bouncer looked at me like I’d asked him to solve a crossword and said, “Bro, they rushed her to Nairobi West, they’re giving her that special hospital drink laced with glucose.”

Turns out the lady is Lumadede’s neighbor from the village. Omwami told her that he has a cousin (me) who's a Major at the KDF so she should produce a bribe of ksh 500k to facilitate my anger issues so that I can look the other way during the recruitment.

Imagine me!! a Major in the military!! with my partial blindness & my curved makagare? Thieves these days have no shame at all. I’m out here pretending to be a star in uniform while I can barely salute without my head doing the macarena,,, Omwami mahali uko ulaaniwe milele.

Next thing we know, the KSh 500k has vanished into the wind and the money Saimo owes me has now increased to KSh 40,000. I don't even think the Ninja can appear for his burial now that he is a wanted Man. Yani after kuni osha 10yrs ago, the idiot came back to finesse me a good one again.

I had to pay for heartbreak, misery, and the official Omwami Special: Glenfiddich with emergency comfort ugali wet fry. Heri ningebaki tu kwa nyumba Niki omboleza Agwambo.

Even after going through all that, I still went & received another beating in my own house that I pay rent,, from someone I paid dowry for. Luhya women are very dangerous especially those short ones that comes from Tongaren😒.

That thing called Mareej is not for the faint hearted. If they're not beating you, they're slowly sending you to Sayuni by feeding you kitoweo laced with Steelwool,, Ogopa nani!! But I swear before Yehova Wanyonyi, if I catch that son of Agrippina, he will see what Onyango One touch saw in Namba Okana back in 1906. IDIOT!!

[Temason ole @TemaOt]

@citizentvkenya Seedlings can only be raised in Karura forest right?

[Nicki Bigfish @nickiBIGFISH]

Meanwhile..

[Eve Maina @evenmaina]

This is why this app is the number one news app because even thieves announce their routes here. Facebook people in Juja will see this post on Sunday afternoon after they’ve already been robbed.

[George T. Diano @georgediano]

Feminists are miserable beings, horrible and despicable creatures. Don't pay attention to what they say gentlemen. Treat their words and long unnecessary paragraphs as you would've treated a pregnant woman's vomit. Ng'eno was 45 when he married a 21-year-old girl. Ng'eno was educated abroad and was rich.

He took his time to build his life as a man before thinking about settling down. He created wealth out of himself, and after securing the bag, he entered into the market & chose a very fine babes, who's well educated & brought up in a well organized family.

But according to FEMINISTS maths, NG'ENO WAS INTIMIDATED BY MATURE GIRLS. They will claim that Ng'eno went for young girls mbikoz he could not handle a MATURE woman who was over 35.

They will further claim that he just wanted small yellow yellow damsel so that he could manipulate. FEMINISTS can't believe that a man can marry a lady who is 23 years younger than him, and it raises no eyebrows.

Team Go Go Girl have been ululating,, congratulating Esther Musila & Betty Kyalo for bagging young energetic Ben Kumis who are capable of supplying high voltage electricity without an iota of blackouts. They even advised other career women to follow their footsteps of going for Ben Kumi.

Now boychild has realized his worth. They're no longer rescuing old & overused ceiling inspectors into marriages. Now they are calling us all manner of names including pedophiles for marrying young, fresh & intelligent Gensii.

Gentlemen, a man's life starts at 45, Ngeno has shown y’all the way. Don't be in a rush to marry, take your time & build wealth first, daughters of Agrippina will come later. And when you catch money Son? Wooooooi Nyasaye Konya the ceiling inspectors,, it's 24yrs and below. Tumsifu Yesu Kristo!!