Maneofstel

im maneofstel

[Maneofstel @Testersfor]

@SilverRailway no thats the other one

[BethyVA 🐸 💬 @_BethyV]

Hiya~

I know it's been a while. Gonna be honest, these last two months I've been struggling with mental health, suicidal ideations, and a disorder that I did not know I had. I tried my best to ignore it, but quickly ran out of fumes and crashed. T.T

I felt terrible for not being consistent. I saw everyone else run right past me and fully believed "I've been away for so long, there's no point in returning".

Unfortunately, due to trauma this is how I processed my emotions/surroundings. My confidence was never built on solid foundation, so anything and everything scared me. Even typing this out is kinda terrifying for me :(

But I know the first step is always the worst so.. Here I am!

This isn't me trying to be BethyVA, this is just me in my rawest form. I escaped a cycle of neglect and abuse, only to continue it for years by not taking initiative of my health.

So for the last few months, I finally took those small steps towards recovery. Got medicated, going to specialized therapy every week, and just... allowing myself to rebuild what I never had.

I won't lie, it's scary. Feels like I'm slowly breaking out of a world I knew to one I know nothing about. But I know I'll be okay!

I miss all of you so much. Thought about everyone and how awful I felt for disappearing out of nowhere again. I don't want to make any promises, but I can promise one thing: I will get better!!!

As for now, I am still trying to figure out how to return to content creation. I wanna find out my true niche... Hrmmm, I was even thinking about making it about my recovery! But Idk... I'll figure it out wehehe!

I apologize for the HUMONGOUS post, but I don't wanna mask anymore. I've been fronting for so long and it's honestly exhausting 🥀 Moving forward, I just wanna be me!!

As for now, I am slowly getting back into YT. Got a video that I hope I can make before Halloween. If not, that's fine too :D

Thankz 4 reading!! I apologize for the mood nuke LOL

But, I do want to end off with this. PLEASE prioritize yourself!!! You are absolutely worth the care you need. Don't let anyone, including yourself say otherwise. (Take it from me bro's, trust!!!)

Much love always,
Bethers

[Maneofstel @Testersfor]

@SMLfan35

[Maneofstel @Testersfor]

@igggyahh

[Maneofstel @Testersfor]

@livanotherday I guess they were left in the dark

[Maneofstel @Testersfor]

@iispeakjava Something similar to The stalker but more

[Maneofstel @Testersfor]

@clovki heres mine

[Maneofstel @Testersfor]

@ttv_rkutamaa

[Maneofstel @Testersfor]

@Vadaskald average comp g/d match

[Maneofstel @Testersfor]

@lexiriouse dawg nice

[Maneofstel @Testersfor]

@frankenchai Freddy is not ready for the 400 night guards

[Maneofstel @Testersfor]

@chrischris58493 https://t.co/YEaSuEg9EQ

[Maneofstel @Testersfor]

@A_Devil_Art

[Maneofstel @Testersfor]

@i12vll

[Maneofstel @Testersfor]

@Mochichuu_art

[Maneofstel @Testersfor]

@TrueNot_Rec @Sobtastix im so sorry

[Maneofstel @Testersfor]

@dootskyre @iamnotf1lthy no

[Maneofstel @Testersfor]

@FlynnDavisTB buzzard

[Maneofstel @Testersfor]

@ArtisticMaxxx