Sign Ben White for £50m. Didn’t work? Go and drop £60m on Timber.
Sign Calafiori for £50m. Didn’t work? Go and drop £60m on Hincapie.
Sign Ramsdale for £30m. Is he too dumb? Go and drop £40m on Raya (in the last year of his contract).
Sign Rice for £105m. He can’t pass? Here is £60m on Zubimendi. Is he dumb too? Here is £70m to replace him.
Sign Jesus for £45m. Didn’t work? Go and drop £70m on Havertz. Didn’t work? Go and drop £70m on Gyokeres. Didn’t work? Here is another £80m for the next shiny toy.
Sign Madueke for £50m. Didn’t work? Go and drop £80m on Gordon or Leao.
Sign Eze for £70m. Didn’t work? Here is another £70m to replace him.
No trophies to show for all this money spent? No worries, let’s just blame Manchester City for spending.
This Declan Rice cardio sesh wow. Look at the bursts of acceleration to press. Look at the way he runs away from the ball. Look at the tactical flexibility. This is a masterclass in doing nothing on a football pitch.
Performative Gundogan vs Manchester City:
8 Think Gestures
1/3 Tackles
8/13 Duels Lost
0 Interceptions
2 Fouls
PFA PLAYER OF THE YEAR, BASMATI RICE 💫💫💫
🚨 Arne Slot: “There is a belief we can do special things tomorrow”.
“But we have to be very very very special as we are playing against the European champions”.
“It's going to be very difficult but not impossible”.