The Oneliner

Brings you short oneliners now and then.

[The Oneliner @The_Oneliner]

RT @NinelleEfremova: Integrity is the essence of everything successful.

[The Oneliner @The_Oneliner]

Apathy kills, but I don't care.

[The Oneliner @The_Oneliner]

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?

[The Oneliner @The_Oneliner]

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

[The Oneliner @The_Oneliner]

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

[The Oneliner @The_Oneliner]

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

[The Oneliner @The_Oneliner]

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

[The Oneliner @The_Oneliner]

The announcement of the new Taylor Swift fragrance was interrupted by @KanyeWest who said that Beyonce's Heat perfume is better.

[The Oneliner @The_Oneliner]

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"

[The Oneliner @The_Oneliner]

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

[The Oneliner @The_Oneliner]

Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

[The Oneliner @The_Oneliner]

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? #stars #universe #space

[The Oneliner @The_Oneliner]

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

[The Oneliner @The_Oneliner]

I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.

[The Oneliner @The_Oneliner]

You're never too old to learn something stupid.