Will Ferrell

If you're stupid enough to believe it, then I'm stupid enough to be it.

[Will Ferrell @the_WillFerrell]

I listen to classical music when I masturbate.
There's no punch-line or moral to this.
I just thought you should know.

[Will Ferrell @the_WillFerrell]

I walked out of the Lion King 3D. Where were the bullet-time fight scenes? Cut that anthropomorphic warthog shit out, Disney.

[Will Ferrell @the_WillFerrell]

My Twitter account ate a big bowl of shit a while ago, but I'm back to rock your gonads.

[Will Ferrell @the_WillFerrell]

If you think of the Grand Canyon as Earth's vagina, it's still smaller than Kim Kardashian's.

[Will Ferrell @the_WillFerrell]

Fun fact: I hold the world record for most cunts punted in a single year.

[Will Ferrell @the_WillFerrell]

I could shit in a dixie cup and call it a Turd Shot. People will buy anything.

[Will Ferrell @the_WillFerrell]

Why does someone run and tattle to PETA every time I drop kick a penguin? It's a free country, you liberty-hating pricks.

[Will Ferrell @the_WillFerrell]

I'mma do you like laundry: rough and tumble for 45 minutes and leave you soaked. Shalom, bitches.

[Will Ferrell @the_WillFerrell]

Oh, piss. I forgot Twitter exists. I wondered why I felt less slutty for the last week and a half...

[Will Ferrell @the_WillFerrell]

If a cop catches you jacking off into his squad car's gas tank, just tell him you needed to "rub one out for justice."

[Will Ferrell @the_WillFerrell]

Word has it Taylor Swift just got signed to Young Money. I don't care if it's true or not. Let's just enjoy the moment.

[Will Ferrell @the_WillFerrell]

Women shouldn't have penises. It's not a sexist thing...it's a definition-of-anatomy thing.

[Will Ferrell @the_WillFerrell]

Oh, right...Twitter exists. I've been too busy ripping planet Earth a new asshole.

[Will Ferrell @the_WillFerrell]

If a woman says she shit a brick, how certain is she that she wasn't just knocked up by a cement truck?

[Will Ferrell @the_WillFerrell]

Wanna pick up chicks at the bar? Here's your line: "Hi. Can I take a dump on your tits?"

Thank me later.

[Will Ferrell @the_WillFerrell]

#replacebandnameswithlesbian Cage the Lesbian, the Damned Lesbians, Bury Your Lesbian and the Dead Lesbians. There you go, religious right.

[Will Ferrell @the_WillFerrell]

#replacebandnameswithlesbian Diddy - Dirty Lesbians.

I win, Twitterverse.

[Will Ferrell @the_WillFerrell]

Please. Kraft Dinner is the knock-off brand of my turd. @carch13" kraftdinner? You shit tastes like kraft dinner."

[Will Ferrell @the_WillFerrell]

My piss smells like Wheat Thins. Someone lick my shit and tell me if it tastes like them.

[Will Ferrell @the_WillFerrell]

I listen to classical music when I masturbate. There's no punch-line or moral to this. I just thought you should know.