Lauren Barszewski

Disappointingly average.

[Lauren Barszewski @TheBeesk]

Please leave me alone, Girl Scouts. I'm hungover and I'm just here to buy the dollar bag of tortilla chips.

[Lauren Barszewski @TheBeesk]

I’m just a super chill, free spirited gal who looks at every single berry before she eats it.

[Lauren Barszewski @TheBeesk]

I named my dildo Hilde because I don’t know how they identify and it would be rude to just assume they’re “male.”

And also because Hilde rhymes with Dilde.

[Lauren Barszewski @TheBeesk]

My favorite outfit is wearing all black with a pair of brightly colored shoes. Surprise, motherfuckers, I’m whimsical

[Lauren Barszewski @TheBeesk]

I think the most magnificent thing about the time we’re living in is the ability for people to turn just anything into a personality trait: travel experiences, quoting popular tv shows, inspirational wall art.

[Lauren Barszewski @TheBeesk]

I don’t know why you stalkers waste your time with Instagram and Facebook. I can get all the information I need to know from seeing one Venmo transaction.

[Lauren Barszewski @TheBeesk]

Instead of focusing on getting through 2020, I’m just going to head backwards and channel the unrivaled 1996 Helen Hunt.

[Lauren Barszewski @TheBeesk]

I just got off a flight from England and I’m so sleep deprived that I am a pregnant woman watching a puppy commercial emotionally unbalanced.

[Lauren Barszewski @TheBeesk]

Date Mike but whenever I put on a hipster beanie.

[caroline doyle @cd0yl3]

turns out three men talking at the same time is my least favorite sound

[Lauren Barszewski @TheBeesk]

You can find all you need to know about someone by watching their reaction at a haunted house.

[Lauren Barszewski @TheBeesk]

Whenever I get too confident I like to remind myself that I tried fedoras for a while.

[Lauren Barszewski @TheBeesk]

There are 1.5 people with a talent in this clip.

[Lauren Barszewski @TheBeesk]

If you order food and the delivery guy doesn’t give you several sets of silverware because he thinks you’re sharing, you’re doing it wrong.

[Lauren Barszewski @TheBeesk]

I've been at about 5% since November 7, 2016.

[Lauren Barszewski @TheBeesk]

I currently can’t use my mouse so I would like to use this time to keep @AppleSupport humble by reminding them that someone on their team thought this design was a good idea.

[Lauren Barszewski @TheBeesk]

Unless you’re my grandmother, please don’t text me to ask the address of the restaurant. This is 2019. We have been blessed with the abundance of technology and I am just as lazy as you so find it your damn self.

[Lauren Barszewski @TheBeesk]

I found out a whole cantaloupe is only like 200 calories so I just bought THREE and ate an entire one today. I think I’m doing this wrong. Wut is diet? How diet? Sum1 plz halp.

[Lauren Barszewski @TheBeesk]

Life is pretty good if my only immediate concern is how to eat the hook end of a candy cane.

[Lauren Barszewski @TheBeesk]

If everyone drove with a dog in their car, road rage would no longer exist.