Brian Baer

RIP Liver: Morning- Night

[Brian Baer @THEBrianBaer]

When I tell people I got a 3.6 this semester, I'm not talking about my GPA. I'm talking about what I blew on the breathalyzer this weekend.

[LTHS Boys Bowling @LTHSBoysBowling]

Congrats former Porters bowler Jeff Malak. 300

[Brian Baer @THEBrianBaer]

I never thought I’d see the day where my dad and I are exchanging SoundCloud mixes…

[Brian Baer @THEBrianBaer]

I’m at the point in my life where I legit have everything except someone to share it with..

[Brian Baer @THEBrianBaer]

Imagine having the cure for someone’s pain, and they just say no thanks…

[Brian Baer @THEBrianBaer]

My 13 year old cousin asked me why I got a Tesla, it’s so boring….

[Brian Baer @THEBrianBaer]

I’m miss being away at school where I didn’t have to help my parents put up Christmas decorations.

[Brian Baer @THEBrianBaer]

This guy in the waiting room was on the phone and said, “I have to talk to my artery before discussing this any further” and now I feel like I’m in a movie.

[Brian Baer @THEBrianBaer]

You think the people that made Vine are upset about the success of TikTok?

[Brian Baer @THEBrianBaer]

@BelangerAustin It’s all because some hacker stole my identity. Now I’m in here every evening serving chowder and ice tea.

[Brian Baer @THEBrianBaer]

Does anyone else randomly remember the https://t.co/iKzRqubWMb jingles after 12 years? No? Just me?

[Brian Baer @THEBrianBaer]

The only down side about wearing a mask in stores is that other people can see the dirty looks I give them when they’re no wearing one.

[Brian Baer @THEBrianBaer]

You know who really needs police reform? The cops in GTA. I crash my car get out, don’t resist, and they shoot me dead.

[Brian Baer @THEBrianBaer]

Is there a service where someone can manage my own social media accounts? I feel the need to post more but can’t decide what to post, so it always becomes nothing.

[walmart brand chris evans @BennyWillard]

In North Korea, heart surgeon. Number one. Steady hand. One day, Kim Jong Un need new heart. I do operation. But, mistake! Kim die! North Korea very mad. I hide in fishing boat, come to America. My big secret: I kill Kim on purpose. I good surgeon. The best!

[Erica @eerrriiicaa]

Day number ??? of quarantine

[Brian Baer @THEBrianBaer]

@Tinder give us unlimited swipes while quarantined. Thanks.

[Brian Baer @THEBrianBaer]

@daswaniii Only if you throw it.

[Brian Baer @THEBrianBaer]

P-ville stores are unaffected and fully stocked on toilet paper. I’m gonna buy a bunch, bring it home for spring break and TP some houses just to flex.

[Michigan Men's Lacrosse @UMichLacrosse]

How it feels to beat your rival for the first time #ProvedIt | #GoBlue〽️

[Brian Baer @THEBrianBaer]

I looked Medusa in the eyeball to seduce her