Burt Cohen

Witticisms from the desk of @mspmag columnist Burt Cohen.

[Burt Cohen @TheCohenReport]

How much would the government save if it stopped making pennies and 50-cent coins, neither of which would be missed? Plenty, I'd guess.

[Burt Cohen @TheCohenReport]

Nobody in America has a 50 cent coin in their pocket or purse, but the mint still makes them. Why?

[Burt Cohen @TheCohenReport]

Do people still become piano tuners? I used to have my piano tuned twice a year, but my great Yamaha electric hasn't needed tuning in 15 years.

[Burt Cohen @TheCohenReport]

We are such creatures of habit. I always read the sections of the newspaper in the same sequence, sit in the same kitchen chair, etc. So what?

[Burt Cohen @TheCohenReport]

My neighbor's landline phone stopped working because squirrels chewed through the cables. Squirrels should not be permitted to do that.

[Burt Cohen @TheCohenReport]

For gluten-free people, Tate's crispy cookies are absolutely great.

[Burt Cohen @TheCohenReport]

Impressed with menu and quality at Coalition on 50th. The broiled cauliflower appetizer and chocolate trifle were terrific.

[Burt Cohen @TheCohenReport]

Is there anything else to eat that's better than fresh, warm, crusty bread with butter?

[Burt Cohen @TheCohenReport]

Years ago even brand new cars often had squeaks and rattles. Today, that doesn't happen, but I don't think people appreciate that.

[Burt Cohen @TheCohenReport]

Coffeemakers using pods are great, but I wonder if they'll be replaced by some other system ten years from now.

[Burt Cohen @TheCohenReport]

With my car exterior filthy I'm insanely jealous of other people's shiny clean cars. I suppose I could do something about it.

[Burt Cohen @TheCohenReport]

I still can't decide if I should run for president this year. I'm concerned if I win it would really mess up my nap schedule.

[Burt Cohen @TheCohenReport]

Really good bagels and bialys at the new Asa Bakery. Also, a great crusty bread with chunks of cheese in it. I love carbs.

[Burt Cohen @TheCohenReport]

There's a high-pitched whistling sound in my garage and I don't know why. Maybe it will explode, die, fade away by itself. Maybe not.

[Burt Cohen @TheCohenReport]

The U of M basketball games start at 8:00 p.m. I'm guessing their attendance would improve if they started at 7:00 p.m.

[Burt Cohen @TheCohenReport]

Irritating to find parking space at a meter and then not be able to climb over the ice/snow at the curb with my walker. Grrr.

[Burt Cohen @TheCohenReport]

It never fails to amaze me how easily Minnesotans live with and adapt to bone-chilling weather and just go about their business. Great!

[Burt Cohen @TheCohenReport]

Just watched Secretariat, a perfect example of 1st rate film with suspense aplenty, even though you know the outcome in advance.

[Burt Cohen @TheCohenReport]

If the garbage collector fails to show up on schedule it throws my entire life off track. I wouldn't make a good field commander.

[Burt Cohen @TheCohenReport]

I guess today's young people can no longer expect to lead better or easier lives than their parents. That's not good.