Alan Dershowitz

I am not the real Alan Dershowitz. But I'm just as offensive. Watch out, I might plagiarize something you make up. I'm like that.

[Alan Dershowitz @TheDersh]

I'm so calm and rational, who wouldn't want me to cover up war crimes for them at the ICC?

[Glenn Diesen @Glenn_Diesen]

Alan Dershowitz is on the Jeffrey Epstein list and accused by Jane Does #3 of sexual assault when she was a child.
- Dershowitz, however, wants a list of all these "radical feminists" who pushed for the Epstein list, and he wants to know if they have condemned Hamas

[Alan Dershowitz @TheDersh]

As long as you full-throatedly support Israeli apartheid and colonization of Palestine, you can plagiarize all you want and still enjoy a long career at Harvard.

Trust me on this.

[Alan Dershowitz @TheDersh]

Thank you so much, Sohrab, for promoting my insane bullshit. Your dedication to braindead hasbara is humbling. You remain the only Iranian I don't want targeted by surgical Israeli nukes.

[Alan Dershowitz @TheDersh]

Yes!*

* unless you're one of hundreds of Palestinian civilians in Gaza, including kids and babies, that the noble Israeli military decides to murder today.

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

Today is the first day of the rest of your life

[Alan Dershowitz @TheDersh]

This tweet is anti-Semitic against the Founding Fathers 👇🏻

[Alan Dershowitz @TheDersh]

Everyone needs to immediately stop being mean to Eve Fartlow for simply being a shameless, thin-skinned defender of apartheid.

The Dersh has spoken.

[Alan Dershowitz @TheDersh]

The hell you say! My podcast will be the Dershiest podcast that's ever Dershed!

[Luke Savage @LukewSavage]

We live in hell

[Alan Dershowitz @TheDersh]

I see that I'm "trending" right now. Presuming it's because everyone is agreeing with me and also really impressed by how cool and not terrible my friends are.

[Alan Dershowitz @TheDersh]

Ok look, people, can we all at least agree on one simple thing: whatever happens with all this Epstein stuff, Israeli apartheid and the total destruction of Palestine must be allowed to continue at all cost. Cool?

[Alan Dershowitz @TheDersh]

Not sure what the problem is here. Pretty solid statement, if you ask me.

[Matt Novak @paleofuture]

Here's how Dershowtiz's quote ran in the Courier Post in New Jersey on November 21, 1974 https://t.co/MAc4ZlImvu

[Alan Dershowitz @TheDersh]

Oh sure, NOW I'm "controversial."

I remember the good ol' days when I would still be called "famous" and "renowned" despite tirelessly defending torture, Israeli war crimes, and obvious celebrity murderers.

[John Santucci @Santucci]

NEW President Trump considering adding controversial lawyer Alan Dershowitz to impeachment legal team: Sources - via @KFaulders & me https://t.co/lt22JZSSVq

[Alan Dershowitz @TheDersh]

That's fucking right and don't you forget it.

[Kate Klonick @Klonick]

Guy next to me on plane: You don’t LOOK like a law professor.

Me: What does a law professor look like?

Guy: Pretty much just Alan Dershowitz.

[Alan Dershowitz @TheDersh]

No, Jordan, you suck, according to The Dersh.

[jordan @JordanUhl]

This tweet sucks, according to Jordan

[Alan Dershowitz @TheDersh]

I have always dedicated my life and career to defending the underdog - y'know, like a nuclear-armed, settler-colonial state that maintains apartheid over an occupied indigenous population and has the unconditional support of the planet's only superpower.

[julie k. brown @jkbjournalist]

NEW: A look at Alan Dershowitz's history of defending men accused of crimes against women; his history of defending accused rapists and his belief that men, no matter how old, should not be punished for having sex with minors as young as 15. https://t.co/A1kkmR7lBh

[Alan Dershowitz @TheDersh]

not clicking to see why I'm trending, but I'm gonna go ahead and assume it's because everyone is finally coming around on my pro-torture, pro-apartheid stuff.

[Alan Dershowitz @TheDersh]

And now I've got everyone thinking about my sex life. Mine. Alan Dershowitz's sex life. Sex. Me. And sex. Doing it. Alan Dershowitz. Alan. Fucking. Dershowitz.

[Alan Dershowitz @TheDersh]

This is still my number one motivating mantra and informs all of my close coordination with the Trump administration.

[Alan Dershowitz @TheDersh]

As long as you hurt Palestinians more than you hate Jews, you're the kind of anti-Semite I can really get behind.

[Alan Dershowitz @TheDersh]

Just in case y'all were wondering, I'm still dedicated - with every fiber of my creepy being - to expanding Israeli settler-colonialism across Greater Palestine, while deploying poorly-constructed analogies that directly contradict long-standing international law! I'm a boss!!

[Josh Nathan-Kazis @joshnathankazis]

Dershowitz: “I compared the Golan Heights to a captured battleship... I said [to Trump], ‘You don’t give back a battleship you’ve captured in a defensive war.” https://t.co/OurqREle2J

[Alan Dershowitz @TheDersh]

Yeah, but that's admittedly funny. What's the big deal?

Also, Mueller is an Iranian psyop.

[Alan Dershowitz @TheDersh]

See, I told you #BDS was motivated by anti-Semitism and literally nothing else!

[Matt Dornic @mdornic]

CNN has withdrawn its participation in the Saudi Future Investment Initiative Conference.