Robert Gable

Just like you, only better.

[Robert Gable @TheGreatGable]

I'm sorry I've kept my greatness from you for so long. This shall be rectified. Or not.

[Robert Gable @TheGreatGable]

Resolution #4: Spy on the NSA. Ironically.

[Robert Gable @TheGreatGable]

Resolution #3: Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Masturbate like no one is sickeningly disgusted.

[Robert Gable @TheGreatGable]

Resolution #2: Invent an invention that invents inventions.

[Robert Gable @TheGreatGable]

2014 Resolution #1: Bring back emo. If I'm good enough to. Anyone have a razor blade?

[Robert Gable @TheGreatGable]

Bad news, ladies. My dance card is full up. The good news is that my sex card is wide open.

[Robert Gable @TheGreatGable]

Resolution #6: Heckle more.

[Robert Gable @TheGreatGable]

Resolution #5: Start sexting. A lot.

[Robert Gable @TheGreatGable]

Resolution #4: While in New York, grace Broadway with my one-man show of celebrity sex tape reenactments.

[Robert Gable @TheGreatGable]

Resolution #3: Take my recorder rendition of "Stairway to Heaven" to Radio City Music Hall. Reject the inevitable record deal offers.

[Robert Gable @TheGreatGable]

Resolution #2: Start using "hooker" as a casual acknowledgement. Ex. "What do you want to do for lunch, hooker?"

[Robert Gable @TheGreatGable]

Resolution #1: Be gracious in defeat, should I ever experience it.

[Robert Gable @TheGreatGable]

I love creating balloon animals, but I hate children. Pretty much sums up my life.

[Robert Gable @TheGreatGable]

So many gingers on the red carpet tonight. They are practically invisible.

[Robert Gable @TheGreatGable]

I feel like we're always talking about me. What's happening with you, Twitter?

[Robert Gable @TheGreatGable]

If only here was a countdown. Oh wait, THERE IS! http://t.co/hUQIgLVJ

[Robert Gable @TheGreatGable]

I am way more excited for this than any one man has a right to be: http://t.co/hUQIgLVJ

[Robert Gable @TheGreatGable]

Yes, I just voluntarily listened to "Baby One More Time." Yes, I sang along.

[Robert Gable @TheGreatGable]

@DannyBilson This "new" movie idea sounds awfully familiar: http://tinyurl.com/458e5qu

[Robert Gable @TheGreatGable]

My, my. Here comes the fuzz.