Tom Rakauskas

I talk about comedy and sports. Not only do my comments represent the views of my business, they represent your company's as well

[Tom Rakauskas @TheMassHacker]

Didn't take long but this has been replaced with "Who gave this to our son? Do we need to take a picture of him using it?" #NewParentProblem https://t.co/GteYtBWmGZ

[Tom Rakauskas @TheMassHacker]

My life currently consists of repeating 2 questions: "Who gave us this? Do we need to take a picture of us using it?" #NewlywedProblems

[Tom Rakauskas @TheMassHacker]

@BrendanPorath @JosephLaMagna The face of someone who went to BC, decided to sample a real college football tailgate and jumped in the deep end.

[Tom Rakauskas @TheMassHacker]

Every few years a Hall of Fame committee gets together and reminds the world why committees are a terrible idea.

[Adam Schefter @AdamSchefter]

Bill Belichick, the 8-time Super Bowl-winning HC, is not a first-ballot Hall of Famer, per @SethWickersham and @DVNJr. Belichick fell short of the 40 out of 50 votes needed for induction to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in his first year of eligibility.

https://t.co/ooJutI0C0Q

[Tom Rakauskas @TheMassHacker]

@KVanValkenburg @Rosenberg_Mike Hope you played well!

[Tom Rakauskas @TheMassHacker]

Normally I would be fine bullying tech nerds but this feels like it could have “Obama roasting Trump at the Corespondent Dinner” levels of reaping. Nothing motivates like spite.

[dj meep @cockjuring]

john mulaney @ dreamforce set

oh to be there. we should bully tech nerds much more often. they should get cop treatment at this point

[Tom Rakauskas @TheMassHacker]

@_zocco Wait until you get to crown molding.

[Tom Rakauskas @TheMassHacker]

@sendacott @heycarolynz @TheShotgunStart I certainly wouldn’t have missed the chance for a January 1 recording!

[Tom Rakauskas @TheMassHacker]

I finished off bottles of shampoo, conditioner and body wash in the same shower this morning. As a planner with OCD, this may be my magnum opus.

[Tom Rakauskas @TheMassHacker]

@heycarolynz I can’t imagine wielding such power.

[Tom Rakauskas @TheMassHacker]

@heycarolynz @NoLayingUp Because they don’t belong on there? Follow up, would those fit size 15 feet?

[Tom Rakauskas @TheMassHacker]

@heycarolynz Also good: Project Hail Mary and Heat 2.

[Tom Rakauskas @TheMassHacker]

@heycarolynz Which one? Just picked up Lincoln Highway.

[Mass Golf @PlayMassGolf]

That ending tho! #MassMidAm

Leaderboard: https://t.co/y78PmQ17v3

[Tom Rakauskas @TheMassHacker]

The resignation of knowing what he hoped wouldn’t happen was inevitable.

[Tom Rakauskas @TheMassHacker]

@BigRandyNLU @heycarolynz Is that like finding a Jordan rookie card?

[Tom Rakauskas @TheMassHacker]

Seems like people are still hanging around Twitter while also being on Threads. I have signed up for both but while I wait to see which wins out, I have compromised by mostly being on neither.

[Tom Rakauskas @TheMassHacker]

Yup, I’m over on the other thing too. Same user name, cause I am unoriginal.

[Tom Rakauskas @TheMassHacker]

@laz_versalles Like that guy would have left any cocaine behind.

[Tom Rakauskas @TheMassHacker]

@heycarolynz Jaws.

[Tom Rakauskas @TheMassHacker]

Go Irish!

[PGA TOUR Americas @PGATOURAmericas]

One for the history books 🏆

Davis Lamb becomes the first Monday Qualifier to win on @PGATOURCanada at the @ATBClassicGolf.