The Plaid Lantern

The power of spite compels me! I'm just here for a place to say stupid shit other than to myself. Cynic to win it.

[The Plaid Lantern @ThePlaidLantern]

When you shave a cat you should get a lizard.

[The Plaid Lantern @ThePlaidLantern]

Just cried after handing two lil dogs I’ve been watching back too their owner.
One reason I don’t have kids.

[The Plaid Lantern @ThePlaidLantern]

Too much dog d*ck on my arm.
Doctor says will do no harm it’s just part of a puppies charm.
Too much dog d*ck on my arm.

[The Plaid Lantern @ThePlaidLantern]

I’m starting to feel great again.

[The Plaid Lantern @ThePlaidLantern]

@Wieneraaron 2.

[The Plaid Lantern @ThePlaidLantern]

@RealCliveBarker Happy birthday and thank You for all the dreams!

[billy eichner @billyeichner]

OH. MY. GOD.

[The Plaid Lantern @ThePlaidLantern]

@ASH_TELL_EM Voting in person here in AK.
Doing anything I can to get this evil out of office.
I’m swimming in Trump fans here, some still with confederate flags on their trucks.
The type that ogle my girls at the grocery store...lucky I’m scary.

[The Plaid Lantern @ThePlaidLantern]

Has anyone redone Bone Thugs “.First of the month”
but about internet caps resetting?

[The Plaid Lantern @ThePlaidLantern]

Bad days are healthy.

[The Plaid Lantern @ThePlaidLantern]

Yes!
The McRib is back...in my small intestine for a few years at least.

[The Plaid Lantern @ThePlaidLantern]

@ronnypascale Wipe

[The Plaid Lantern @ThePlaidLantern]

I wish the little groans I make when getting up came out as saxophone instead.

[The Plaid Lantern @ThePlaidLantern]

How many pints of B&J’s did you eat this weekend?
Ok.
F*** you.

[The Plaid Lantern @ThePlaidLantern]

Your conception was an inside joke.

[The Plaid Lantern @ThePlaidLantern]

The kids at this cookout I’m at are playing Trip Adviser.
Running around and tripping each other...

[The Plaid Lantern @ThePlaidLantern]

Your best friend lied to you.
You’re single because there is something wrong with you.

[The Plaid Lantern @ThePlaidLantern]

Another plus of for the Beyond burger from Carl’s is that it’s good cold leftover.

No congealed fat FTW.

[The Plaid Lantern @ThePlaidLantern]

I’m staying up late recording the radio, hoping to catch songs I like so I can make a mix tape.

[ASH TELL EM @ASH_TELL_EM]

Riddle: What did the weed nug say to the tiny pieces of weed?

A: you’re grounded.