The Plus Ones

We weren't invited. We're the +1s.

[The Plus Ones @ThePlusOnes]

The best part about going to the bathroom at work is that for just 5 sexy minutes you are actually getting *paid* to take a shit.

[The Plus Ones @ThePlusOnes]

Working in retail makes me hate Asian people even more than when I'm driving and I'm hungry and why are there no drive thru sushi places?

[The Plus Ones @ThePlusOnes]

Better: I wonder how many of the rapture believers are republicans. My guess? 90%. The other 10% confused it with a rap-tour.

[The Plus Ones @ThePlusOnes]

The best part about being an alcoholic is that all of your trash is recyclable. Go green, my friends. I'm drunk.

[The Plus Ones @ThePlusOnes]

I wonder how many of the rapture believers are republicans. My guess? 90% The other 10% think it happened.

[The Plus Ones @ThePlusOnes]

"Well that's YOUR cross to bare."
"DON'T YOU BRING BEARS INTO THIS!"

[The Plus Ones @ThePlusOnes]

My least favorite part about cats is how lame they are and how did I end up snuggling with a cat right now? You got me again, cats.

[The Plus Ones @ThePlusOnes]

The main difference between dogs and cats is how were there no ThunderDogs?

[The Plus Ones @ThePlusOnes]

72,000 lbs of canned chicken salad recalled. Nobody affected. Because who buys canned chicken salad? http://bit.ly/dK9crx

[The Plus Ones @ThePlusOnes]

Amazing: http://threewordphrase.com/datecomics.htm

[The Plus Ones @ThePlusOnes]

New video! Brawny: The paper towels that are all brawn, with just a little bit of knee http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/4vwp

[The Plus Ones @ThePlusOnes]

The new Sun Chips bags. 100% Biodegradable, 100% annoying as sh*t.

[The Plus Ones @ThePlusOnes]

Foster's may be Australian for beer, but PBR is American for awesome.

[The Plus Ones @ThePlusOnes]

@danieltosh Maybe your one bit of masculinity?

[The Plus Ones @ThePlusOnes]

Lindsay Lohan's last job was a Lifetime movie... 90 days in jail seems like a step up for her career.

[The Plus Ones @ThePlusOnes]

Check out our newest video: Audition video FAIL http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/423j

[The Plus Ones @ThePlusOnes]

That one N. Korean goal against Brazil was Kim Jeong-ILL!

[The Plus Ones @ThePlusOnes]

The costumed 'superhero' panhandlers on Hollywood Blvd are banned by LA. Do I hear a script for the ultimate X-Men sequel?!?

[The Plus Ones @ThePlusOnes]

You should call it "skin." RT @HeidiMontag I have never felt sexier, happier, or more amazing in my own skin.

[The Plus Ones @ThePlusOnes]

So is spelling. RT @justinbieber: Rain forrests are awesome.