The Pushy Parents

Hi, we're Tamsin and Oscar parents to the two most fantastic children ever born, twins Max and Poppy aged 5. Read all about how brilliant they are here.

[The Pushy Parents @ThePushyParents]

Hey Don. All’s not lost. Just send your boy Don Jr. out to buy 88,000,000 sheets of A4 and print your hate-filled bile off every time you want to spew your odious lies to your moron supporters. #TrumpBanned

[The Pushy Parents @ThePushyParents]

Jesus Christ. Years of morons being fed shite from the likes of The Daily Mail, Sun & Express has succeeded in creating a race of uneducated stupid arrogant and selfish brain dead FUCKING arseholes. #panicbuying

[The Pushy Parents @ThePushyParents]

@MarianKeyes Our dearest darling Max, who’s studying haute couture, commented that he thinks Tess doesn’t suit an all-in-one trouser outfit.
‘Mummy, the high-waisted trouser ensemble highlights her rather elongated abdomen and gives the disconcerting impression of an insect.’

[The Pushy Parents @ThePushyParents]

The children both feel the brigade did a reasonable job but Poppy commented: ‘la pasta era ok ma non particolarmente speciale’ #ChefsBrigade

[The Pushy Parents @ThePushyParents]

The children are glued to #HowToBreakIntoTheElite as Max wants to be a TV Network Controller and Poppy rather fancies becoming CEO of a Global Investment Banking Consortium.

[The Pushy Parents @ThePushyParents]

The children are appalled by the lack of knowledge on display tonight. Both have beseeched us not to put their names down for either Oxford or Cambridge. #universitychallenge

[The Pushy Parents @ThePushyParents]

The children are bathed and sitting in their Jim-jams in readiness for Dvorak’s Golden Spinning Wheel on #BBCProms #firstnight

‘The Proms is our favourite music festival, Mumny. So much more refined than smelly old piss-filled bottles of Glastonbury,’ Max said.

[The Pushy Parents @ThePushyParents]

Oscar has entered us into the next series of that Family Brain Games show on BBC.

He told the children: ‘Memorise the entire Internet for woe betide if you make your mother and I look stupid!’

Bless them they’re reading the Internet daily and claim to have finished half of it.

[The Pushy Parents @ThePushyParents]

Dear Poppy spotted a butterfly in the garden and wrote this verse.

Oh, diaphanous sprite
Oh beauteous lepidopteran
There sit you among the lavender flowers
Delicate, mysterious light - diffused burnt orange
Oh to find a profound last line
But sadly fuck all rhymes with orange

[The Pushy Parents @ThePushyParents]

As it was a dead heat with both Max & Poppy getting every question on University Challenge correct - more than one can say for the teams - both children will clean Oscar’s car.
‘To draw is to lose, Tamsin. They simply must appreciate the concept of unequivocal victory,’ he said.

[The Pushy Parents @ThePushyParents]

Max and Poppy are neck and neck with no wrong answered so far.
The loser must wash Oscar’s SUV daily until next week’s episode.
‘The children must learn the importance of competition and winning,’ he says. #UniversityChallenge

[The Pushy Parents @ThePushyParents]

Max was asked to back either Boris or Jeremy, but bless him, said: 'Neither candidate appeals. One smells of desperation whilst the other of blatant opportunism.'
We would fare better to discount both and rally behind Thatcher's ghost should she see fit to run. #bbcournextpm

[The Pushy Parents @ThePushyParents]

Mrs Finlay-Rees has agreed not to suspend Poppy for pouring a pot of PVA glue over Chloe Whittaker during the Little Mix fracas. Although quite what Oscar will say when he hears we are to pay for costumes and stage sets for St Cecelia’s Christmas Entertainment heaven only knows.

[The Pushy Parents @ThePushyParents]

We have been summoned to see Mrs Finlay-Rees at St Cecilia's after Poppy became involved in an ugly spat when she told Chloe Whittaker: 'Little Mix are nothing but a troupe of performing puppets being exploited by modern-day Svengali, Simon Cowell and his sycophantic minions'.

[The Pushy Parents @ThePushyParents]

Max's latest drawing in art class, an homage to the Apollo missions, is a study, or pastiche if you will, of the Naïve School.

Nevertheless Ms. Green, his art teacher, has likened it to the work of the young Picasso, only with greater depth and symbolism!

[The Pushy Parents @ThePushyParents]

The children had an exchange day at Grimly Comp where some uncouth type mentioned #LoveIsland. We panicked when they asked if they might watch it, but thankfully only to collect evidence in order to write to ITV and decry the relentless dumbing-down of its already tawdry output.

[The Pushy Parents @ThePushyParents]

Dear Judy, could we possibly prevail upon your kindness and ask you might consider re-tweeting then sponsoring our darling Max for £5 should he endure this upcoming ordeal. All donations to go to a worthy cause. @Judyastley

[The Pushy Parents @ThePushyParents]

Max is enrolled on *Bear Grylls' Junior Walk of Certain Death* across The Serengeti.
I'm worried but Oscar said: 'We mustn't mollycoddle the boy, and should he not die, then he will be more of a man for it. Not to mention capable of making meals from Impala poo and Giraffe wee.'

[The Pushy Parents @ThePushyParents]

Poppy has set up a pressure group targeting Donald Trump by demanding he stops denying climate change. She told us: 'He's a very silly man pulling out of the Paris Accord. And don't get me started on those Russian hookers and watersports.'

Ah, she's such a sweet innocent Angel.

[The Pushy Parents @ThePushyParents]

Max is enrolled on *Bear Grylls' Junior Walk of Certain Death* across The Serengeti.
I'm worried but Oscar said: 'We mustn't mollycoddle the boy, and should he not die, then he will be more of a man for it. Not to mention capable of making meals from Impala poo and Giraffe wee.'

[The Pushy Parents @ThePushyParents]

@MarianKeyes Dearest Marian, our wee darling 5 year-old, Poppy, wrote a page-turner yet t’was passed over by the judging panel of 500 words.

‘Robot Lesbian Mermaids of Xaxos’ has much potential.

So Oscar and I wondered if perhaps you might be able to recommend a good agent or publisher.