Arielle Jones

Just another unlikable swamp critter here for the goat rodeo.

[Arielle Jones @TheRealAriJones]

@mariabamfoo Yes

[Arielle Jones @TheRealAriJones]

@TheoGermaine I have always struggled with the word “rural”—just can’t get my mouth to wrap around the second r

[Arielle Jones @TheRealAriJones]

@TheoGermaine Hahaha SAME. Let me know when you figure it out, please ❤️

[Arielle Jones @TheRealAriJones]

Okay, hear me out:

Exposure therapy, but for homophobes who have to silently listen as I talk about bell hooks.

[Arielle Jones @TheRealAriJones]

This 90’s kid got a last minute ticket to see the woman who first made me realize I was gay 🌈🌈🌈 Yes, it’s Alanis. Yes, I wore eyeliner for days. Yes, I forgot a flannel to tie around my waist.

[Arielle Jones @TheRealAriJones]

Ari’s pro tip of the day:

Double check your cinnamon before putting it on vanilla yogurt—cumin vanilla is even worse than it sounds.

I mean, you’re welcome.

[Arielle Jones @TheRealAriJones]

But, like, are you even a writer if you haven’t sneezed and then ripped out a notebook page to blow your nose?

[Arielle Jones @TheRealAriJones]

UM it’s been so long since I have made one of these!

Had the absolute JOY of going through Fem Com with a group of truly badass women—and lucky YOU we’re hitting the stage together on Tuesday!

#ohmydarlingwhatifyoufly

[Arielle Jones @TheRealAriJones]

@mariabamfoo Yes, I can zoom at 1pm PST!

[Arielle Jones @TheRealAriJones]

@mariabamfoo Yes!

[Arielle Jones @TheRealAriJones]

Summer in the city = outdoor comedy with the best ❤️
But obviously only remembering to take pictures when we’re inside by the bathrooms.
#willyoubemynanny #likemotherlikedaughter #chicago #chicagocomedy

[Arielle Jones @TheRealAriJones]

Writing submission mentality from earlier in the year:
Your goal is to collect 100 rejections.

Shifting this to re-starting stand up:
My goal is to bomb 100 open mics.

Gratuitous sweaty basement laundry selfie ❤️

#ohmydarlingwhatifyoufly

[Arielle Jones @TheRealAriJones]

Brunch is now a full contact sport.

Wear your sunscreen, people. Even if you don’t think you need it. Even if a magical dolphin told you…

Currently using cold cloths, aloe lotion, ibuprofen—now seeking all additional un-ouching advice. Wrong answers welcome and encouraged.

[Arielle Jones @TheRealAriJones]

From the writer who brought you “Oh My God Liz No One Thinks Your Teeth Are Interesting” and “Pastrami Patrami!” comes a new autobiography “Thanks, It’s Got Pockets, OR I finally found Dürer at the Art Institute!”

#Chicago #ChicagoComedy #ohmydarlingwhatifyoufly

[Arielle Jones @TheRealAriJones]

Getting my first few mics back in the books and DANG it feels good.

Also: new handle, who dis? Finally took out the underscores and it’s now @aSchnurThing on Twitter & Instagram 🌈

#ohmydarlingwhatifyoufly #ohmydarlinglookatyoufly

[Arielle Jones @TheRealAriJones]

@mariabamfoo Yes!

[Arielle Jones @TheRealAriJones]

I just saw three posts about cheesecake in a row… the algorithm is on to me.

[Arielle Jones @TheRealAriJones]

Going to an open mic tonight for the first time in well over a year and digging through old set lists right now. I found one with just the word “gruyere” written down. I have no idea what it was about, but I am sure it killed. #gruyere #chicagocomedy #ohmydarlingwhatifyoufly

[Arielle Jones @TheRealAriJones]

My own phone just auto-corrected my last name to Schnitzel and I’m not sure if I should feel offended or deeply understood. Anyway, here’s a picture of Sonia living her best life.