Robert Falcon

Here to help make your life a little less shit, or give you an existential crisis. The choice is yours.
#PeopleWhoNeedToFuckOff™

[Robert Falcon @TheRobFalcon]

@JeremyClarkson has brought out his own lager and didn't call it Hop Gear, Top Beer or The Grand Pour...
It's called Hawkstone, on Amazon.

[Robert Falcon @TheRobFalcon]

@DysHandle It's ok. You'll never have this opportunity again and it will stay in your mind, constantly eating away at you, that I thought of a funnier joke than you did, about your own situation. You'll be fine.

[Robert Falcon @TheRobFalcon]

Telemarketer: Can you tell me when they will be available then?
Me: No *hangs up*

[Robert Falcon @TheRobFalcon]

Telemarketer: Are you the business owner?
Me: No.
Telemarketer: Can you tell me when he will be available?
Me: Sexist.
Telemarketer: Excuse me?
Me: "When HE is available". That's sexist.
Telemarketer: Ok, what should I say, he/ she?
Me: Or just they.
* continued *

[Robert Falcon @TheRobFalcon]

@DysHandle Asks the man who spent hours dodging zombies in Reach.

[Robert Falcon @TheRobFalcon]

@ERLycett @canihasmilk Indeed, Rob is a very common name. The fact you two are getting so defensive over one word is actually hilarious.

[Robert Falcon @TheRobFalcon]

@canihasmilk Sus

[Robert Falcon @TheRobFalcon]

@DlEANYWHEREELSE Another lap around the sun. One big congrat for you.

[Robert Falcon @TheRobFalcon]

Some people have Polos, some have Tic Tacs. All you need to do is, find the mint the best connects with yours, then you will achieve happiness.

[Robert Falcon @TheRobFalcon]

@canihasmilk What kind of doctors do you see?
And how do I make an appointment?

[Robert Falcon @TheRobFalcon]

Have you ever been in pain started laughing, but it hurts to laugh. So you're just sat there, laughing and hurting like the dumb fuck you are. Yeah...

[Robert Falcon @TheRobFalcon]

Umbrella?
You mean, cloud piss shield.

[Robert Falcon @TheRobFalcon]

@canihasmilk Who is making waffles in the desert?

[Robert Falcon @TheRobFalcon]

@canihasmilk 24?
You mean, third anniversary of your 21st birthday.

[Robert Falcon @TheRobFalcon]

Customers who self diagnose the problem with their car, then go off in a huff when you prove them wrong.
#PeopleWhoNeedToFuckOff

[Robert Falcon @TheRobFalcon]

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Not Sally.

[Robert Falcon @TheRobFalcon]

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

She had no arms.

[Robert Falcon @TheRobFalcon]

MERRY FRIDAY 13TH!!!