Death

Bringing you the end of your life since 523 BC. Self employed and keen landscape gardener in my spare time.

[Death @TheTweetOfDeath]

@pollywaters Hi. I've been too busy reaping people to tweet. And I've lost self esteem as I'm not the twitter sensation I thought I'd be..

[Death @TheTweetOfDeath]

#ZaynMalikYouArePerfect is trending.. Should be #ZaynMalikYouLookPerfectInACoffin . I speak the truth

[Death @TheTweetOfDeath]

Lots of hateful vibes on Twitter tonight directed at Janet Street Porter. Perhaps it's time to pay her a visit and silence the old bag..

[Death @TheTweetOfDeath]

"@xkate1019x: What happens on the chase if no one makes it back to the "team"? #thechase" - I kill them all

[Death @TheTweetOfDeath]

@JaymeSwiftt: "Time to watch #TheChase ... Don't hate coz I'm brainy" - If you use the phrase 'don't hate' you are not brainy

[Death @TheTweetOfDeath]

Now that #JLS have disbanded would it be more socially acceptable to kill off Aston? Just wondering...

[Death @TheTweetOfDeath]

@The_Sinner_Man #ILoveTheNHS of course they won't- that's my job. And my scythe doesn't care if you have private insurance or not.

[Death @TheTweetOfDeath]

I might open a hotline for sad & angry girls wanting to kill their ex-bfs, at least it would save on all these shit indirect, soulful tweets

[Death @TheTweetOfDeath]

"@KatiaMot: #WeCantBeInARelationshipIf you are a narcissistic, apathetic asshole. Learned my lesson." Book him an appnt with me. Call now.

[Death @TheTweetOfDeath]

"@fruitbagger: #ThreeWordsSheWantsToHear Death's sweet release" I said nothing of the sort- I have a scythe, how sweet do you think that is?

[Death @TheTweetOfDeath]

"@fruitbagger: #ThreeWordsSheWantsToHear Please kill me" are you sure about that? It can be arranged quite easily...

[Death @TheTweetOfDeath]

Oh shit, Thatcher wasn't on today's list! I take one day off and my employees accidentally bump off an ex PM! Can't get the staff these days

[Death @TheTweetOfDeath]

First day off in 2013, I have an apprentice covering for me so I'll apologise now for any accidental deaths/plagues/floods- he's new

[Death @TheTweetOfDeath]

Morning. Just polishing my scythe- anticipating a busy day at the Grand National tomorrow.. Thank you horse cruelty for giving me business.

[Death @TheTweetOfDeath]

"@roriejolly: I would still marry Simon Webb.." Pity I'm going to pay him a visit with my scythe next week, for crimes against music.

[Death @TheTweetOfDeath]

"@sionedyoung: bloody cold in this london place." The last time I visited London properly was during the plague. Was a good laugh though.

[Death @TheTweetOfDeath]

@pollywaters thank you. However nothing is funny to me except death.

[Death @TheTweetOfDeath]

"@julieacooper: 7 days until I am at the Bon Jovi concert!!" That's odd, because Bon Jovi is scheduled for an appnt with me in a week..

[Death @TheTweetOfDeath]

@FNazliY quiet fool, everyone knows black is the best colour. It's slimming too. I don't need to look slim though since I have no flesh.

[Death @TheTweetOfDeath]

@LUU_AC I think you should all follow me before I come for you all with my scythe. And that is something you can't outrun.