Tim Evans

Double the under__score. Half the Asian. All the best.

[Tim Evans @Tim__Evans]

🎵 Did you have to, did you have to, did you have to let it lingerie 🎵

[Tim Evans @Tim__Evans]

Does the Warner Bros deal include the sister? You’d like her if you kissed her.

[Tim Evans @Tim__Evans]

Never doubted the credibility of the FIFA Peace Prize before today.

[Tim Evans @Tim__Evans]

Heresy? How about this Christmas we think about Hisery?

[Tim Evans @Tim__Evans]

You’re telling me this ham was fisted?

[Tim Evans @Tim__Evans]

Dreamt I was eating raspberry nicotine. Woke up disappointed there was none stuck in my teeth.

[Tim Evans @Tim__Evans]

anyone find out what IS in the teaches of Peaches?

[Tim Evans @Tim__Evans]

Beginning to the think the song “Rocket Man” isn’t really about a rocket man?

[Tim Evans @Tim__Evans]

I didn’t start a company until 30.
I didn’t get married until I was 37.
I didn’t become a father until 39.

I failed at all of them. I waited too long. There is such a thing as too late.

[Tim Evans @Tim__Evans]

Nothing better than hitting “notify anyway” on an unworthy message.

[Tim Evans @Tim__Evans]

The best thing you can say is “don’t over think it” because dumb people will think “yeh” and smart people will think the same.

[Tim Evans @Tim__Evans]

If the pommel horse breaks a leg at the Olympics that Turkish guy shoots it.

[Tim Evans @Tim__Evans]

Nice to think Charles and Diana will be together soon 💕

[Tim Evans @Tim__Evans]

Often within a few minutes of my wife falling asleep I’ll be putting cotton buds in my ear.

[Tim Evans @Tim__Evans]

SMDH 2024 has got the whole world making fun of a dead cripple on a pedophile island.

[Tim Evans @Tim__Evans]

Of course I’ve read The Silmarillion. It’s where the hobbits all become silmarillionaires, right?

[Tim Evans @Tim__Evans]

How to spot a narcissist: they read a lot of how to spot a narcissist articles.

[Tim Evans @Tim__Evans]

Three stages of life.
1. “Seinfeld is better than friends”
2. “Both shows have merit”
3. “Seinfeld is better than friends”

[Tim Evans @Tim__Evans]

@chalaska 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿

[Tim Evans @Tim__Evans]

@CaseyNewton I used to think HF was safe to listen to at the gym until y’all started discussing Deep Fake Love and I nearly I dropped a barbell on my neck from laughter 😂