Timothy Johnson ✌🏼

| McAllen/College Station | #Tamu22 #Tamu18Alumnus

[Cricket🦈🦈🦈 @cricket1339]

PSA if you come to a pharmacy, and they open at 9am….your e prescription that was sent by the doctor at 6am will not be ready when you walk in the door at 9:01. We have no magic elves filling rx before we open. Thank you #rxtwitter #pharmacy

[Patty 𓆦🇵🇹🇸🇦🇪🇬🇩🇿🇮🇶🇯🇴🇶🇦🇲🇦🇹🇳 @minasdemon]

Me when a child starts filming me and says SpongeBob DEAD AT 50

[April Clark @autogynefiles]

therapist: and is this “dark wizard” in the room with us right now?

me:

me: …no

therapist: {transforming into the dark wizard} I wouldn’t be so sure, fool! 🧙‍♂️

[Matt Margolis @ItsMattsLaw]

(OSHA inspector walking into Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory) what the fuck

[Johnny Guitar Watson @c_drew_]

Me after biting into a piece of chicken

[James @CaucasianJames]

looking through my med school buddy’s likes

[Timothy Johnson ✌🏼 @Timo668912]

@gahleelayah Move to Austin, the rats are gentrified here so they help pay rent

[Roy @CaeDios]

this is seriously one of my favourite jokes in spongebob, the look on his face after throwing that fire extinguisher 😭 he really thought he did something 😭😭😭

[Timothy Johnson ✌🏼 @Timo668912]

@gahleelayah I change my last name and u just invite me

[Timothy Johnson ✌🏼 @Timo668912]

@gahleelayah You’re Cassie energy forsure

[Colton Long @ColtonMLong]

me twice a week:

[a @aallleeexxxxxx1]

me when the doordash person knocks instead of just leaving the food there

[Ray ᥫ᭡ ♡ ᥫ᭡ @loveesinjai]

Your income is about
to grow 6X

Claim it …

[Sarah J. Hass @tacko_belle]

credit card chip machines are like:

- DO NOT remove your card
- DO NOT - hey look at me - DO NOT remove your card
- take out your card immediately or I’m burning this place to the ground

[Seaux Leaux 🕺🏿 @PHaithfulGem]

I wish, I wish, with all my heart, to find $30,000 on the ground today

[Ruiz @unknownxruiz_]

You: Trying to explain basic shit to a customer

The customer:

[Mr.Karlous @KarlousM]

This the most fucked up news I’ve seen in a minute.