TB

[TB @tombradyW]

@thatgroyper2 Pretty fuckin hot out there huh.

[TB @tombradyW]

"What's the term for crop dusting, but not moving, just kind of standing there? Think some Asian guy just did that to me."

"Farting in your face."

[TB @tombradyW]

When I go to the beach I like to have a koozie of every size. You need the fat one. The slim one. And last but not least, the tallboy. Most people don't have the tallboy in their kit.

[TB @tombradyW]

Watermelon is an incredible food for chubby people. 46 calories per cup. Now buy my pamphlet.

[TB @tombradyW]

"Getting to be that time of year where your nutsack starts sticking to your leg."

"It's always that time of year for me."

[TB @tombradyW]

Make every male fitness influencer under 5 foot 9 inches tall

[TB @tombradyW]

Really could use a wife...
To pop a pimple on my back. About halfway down, right in the middle. Can't get leverage.

[TB @tombradyW]

"That's not Dave again is it?"

[TB @tombradyW]

When people use the voice feature in AI they speak in a tone like they are a kid telling mom they have to use the bathroom... and it's number 2.

[TB @tombradyW]

Jeff Bezos ordering Lauren Sanchez a piece of shit molcajete on Amazon during prime Day 2 for her birthday

[TB @tombradyW]

"maybe we could IM later or whatever"

[TB @tombradyW]

"What was that girl, spanish?"

"White girl from Connecticut."

[TB @tombradyW]

@gorjusbutiful The article on page 20 titled "Poking Fun" saved my marriage

[TB @tombradyW]

One year when I was maybe 7, I picked out a really cool hat in a gift shop on vacation. It had a patch on the front with a holographic effect. You tilt it one way, it shows a 6. You tilt it the other way it shows a 9. I'm still not sure why my mom didn't let me get that hat.

[TB @tombradyW]

@HapistRitler McClane saw the writing on the wall

[TB @tombradyW]

"You just take a shit in the bathroom?"

"Yeah so?"

"It's nothing. Was just trying to figure out what type of animal makes a shit that smells like that. At first I was thinking some kind of caged pet. Gerbil, hamster, rabbit, maybe even ferret. But then I realized, it's snake."

[TB @tombradyW]

"How the fuck could you be out of Dos Equis?"

[TB @tombradyW]

While tradwife is eating hotdogs with mayonnaise, tradhusband is trying to find a store in Kansas City that still sells porno mags.

[TB @tombradyW]

"I mean we all have a little bit of cock shame, but I don't curve my pelvis into the urinal like that. Fuck were you doing in there? You were concave."