TomCat

Wannabe stand up comedian - turning inappropriate work comments into material since 2017

[TomCat @TomCat_Comic]

@PedersenJamie @jkenney @JustinTrudeau Your Premier may have committed election fraud. How's that for respecting the rule of law?

Trudeau made an ethics violation, which in no way constitutes a criminal offense.

Remind me, which one is currently under investigation by the RCMP?

[TomCat @TomCat_Comic]

@rdellon @HughHoult @slicksliding @Skylerhxc @comicfan1516 Don't mention African swallows around Zach.

[TomCat @TomCat_Comic]

@Deasmom @jkenney Or French. Both of which are already covered by the current visa/immigration policy. So don't worry about it.

[TomCat @TomCat_Comic]

Did they try raking the cathedral floor beforehand?

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

So horrible to watch the massive fire at Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris. Perhaps flying water tankers could be used to put it out. Must act quickly!

[TomCat @TomCat_Comic]

@jkenney how do you feel that the 3 times AB news has hit UK media in the last few years are

-Calgary floods
-Fort Mac wildfires
-your obnoxious anti-GSA stance

Your policies are literally on par with natural disasters.

[TomCat @TomCat_Comic]

@JamesAcaster If they're so close to you that they're inside you. Then yes.

[TomCat @TomCat_Comic]

@JamesAcaster I don't care how bad your baking is, I'd 'manger' until the cows come home.

[TomCat @TomCat_Comic]

My cat decided he was a #rembrandt.

#caturday

[TomCat @TomCat_Comic]

@jackwhitehall apologies for my lack of eloquence shouting 'holy shit' at you on the Las Vegas strip.

I'm just an excitable little tike!

[TomCat @TomCat_Comic]

#Caturday #CatsOfTwitter #catsadick

[TomCat @TomCat_Comic]

@Daniel_Sloss I really enjoyed your @netflix specials but I kept getting distracted because you so look like Mark Zuckerberg put his face in a wasp nest.

[TomCat @TomCat_Comic]

@X929 @seannajefferson Zzzzzzz Top

[TomCat @TomCat_Comic]

That was some good sportsing from the one with the stick who got it past the overdressed chap in the net. #COLvsCGY

[TomCat @TomCat_Comic]

My 2nd ever #NHL game. I don't know what's going on.

The 1/2 time entertainment is a toddler derby
#COLvsCGY

[TomCat @TomCat_Comic]

#Netflix is on point. #coco IS as abd as Hitler.

[TomCat @TomCat_Comic]

@kleenex just released a new range

#realmansizetissue #teensizetissue

[TomCat @TomCat_Comic]

@TaylorEMatheson @Crackmacs

[TomCat @TomCat_Comic]

@TaylorEMatheson @Crackmacs @CalgaryPolice Everytime I see that truck I email the address listed on its side and tell them exactly what I think of them. It's the Canadian Centre for Birth Rights. Wretched organisation.

[TomCat @TomCat_Comic]

@Crackmacs Yes, but only partially because of the objective health benefits to myself and society at large.

Mainly I do it to annoy anti-vaxxers

[TomCat @TomCat_Comic]

@scottambrose10 @MrNishKumar Nish has appeared on comedy shows broadcast on national tv alongside other top tier comedians.

You make 3rd rate period jokes at dingy pub gigs.

I wonder who society has deemed funnier?