Tom Dryden

Bald, fat and humourless.

[Chase Passive Income @chasedownleads]

10-year old kid knocked on my door

Offered to shovel my driveway for $20

I love encouraging young entrepreneurs

So I hired him to shovel all 10 houses on my block

Paid him $200. He was grinning ear-to-ear.

Little does he know, every single house is already a client of my snow removal business

They each paid $150 for my premium snow removal business

I made a $1,300profit by arbitraging labor

Welcome to capitalism, kid

[Giliann @imissblackmidi]

They should invent a second airport for people who have been in public before

[bug girl @buggirl]

we could have high speed rail that connects the entire country but instead we get ai porn bot that’s stealing all of our drinking water to entertain the dumbest people alive

[໊໊ @juniorkingpp]

this is my girlfriend the second i put on a movie i'm excited to show her

[ash 🍉 @StevieNicksTD]

The idea that Emma Watson, who had paparazzi lie on the ground trying to take photos up her skirt within moments of her turning 18, has never had to worry about sexual violence is an absolute joke.

[Bask @thebandbask]

When the riff comes back but slower and nastier

[kramerica industries @hepimp]

at a bbq yesterday where the wife’s all knew each other and the husbands didn’t.

[zach reinert @zachreinert0]

At music or the other thing

[violet 🧠🐀 @daintysloth]

looking at the amount of clean underwear i still have left in my suitcase and feeling proud that i didn’t piss myself every day on vacation like i guess i had planned to when i packed

[Chris @citehchris]

moving to a walkable city won’t solve all your problems but it will allow you to get drunk and just walk around and that is peak activity you can’t get just any where

[Anon Opin. @anon_opin]

"Why aren't you panicking?"
"Will it help?"
"No."
"Then that's why I'm not panicking."
"You're not normal."

Yes, well done, I've worked out a rational response to challenges, and you'd prefer to panic instead of solving problems. Fuck off and let competent people deal with shit.

[d @petiteyoungthug]

how do circumcised ppl sneak food into a movie theater

[Anon Opin. @anon_opin]

Stoicism should be taught in schools. It offers a practical framework for living well in a chaotic world. It emphasizes focusing on what you can control- your thoughts, actions, and attitudes- while letting go of what you can't, like external events or others' opinions.

[Anon Opin. @anon_opin]

'Britain's most haunted hotel' is just as haunted as Britain's least haunted hotel. Not haunted.

[Led By Donkeys @ByDonkeys]

We just dropped in on Liz Truss’s pro-Trump speaking tour with a remote-controlled lettuce banner. She didn’t find it funny. 🥬

[TheFastShow @TheFastShow1]

Jesse’s Festive Diets 🎅🏻🎄
#TheFastShow