Tommy Does Comedy

Find Tommy Here:
@tommydoesitall

[Tommy Does Comedy @TommyDoesComedy]

I've been going to the gym a lot more this year- so let's just say 'Being tired & sore' has become my whole personality 😉😴🤕

[Tommy Does Comedy @TommyDoesComedy]

How I feel when I first wake up vs when my supposed BEST FRIEND posts a photo from the night out in the group chat.

[Tommy Does Comedy @TommyDoesComedy]

There are two different types of people in action films.

1. Oh god you stabbed me, why would you stab me!? 🩸💀

2. Oh you stabbed me? Thanks for the WEAPON! 🔪

Source: John Wick: The first one

[Tommy Does Comedy @TommyDoesComedy]

When the construction zone is comprised of someone holding a slow sign and nothing/no-one else around... WHO AM I SLOWING DOWN FOR?? You and your cones?

If you leave, we all get to go back to normal. Why are you doing this? MY MORNING COMMUTE IS BAD ENOUGH.

[Tommy Does Games @TommyDoes_Games]

Right now we're running a promo for $5 off your first order from @eatmagicspoon! Use my code STREAM1096 at checkout! #sponsored https://t.co/vFMsjteEft

[Tommy Does Comedy @TommyDoesComedy]

Follow up question- when you jump the fence, do you bring the boys with you, or leave them behind?

[Tommy Does Comedy @TommyDoesComedy]

How doth you pee?

[Tommy Does Comedy @TommyDoesComedy]

@Chrisdwyerlife You're an artifact now.

[Tommy Does Comedy @TommyDoesComedy]

The struggle of an uncomfortable poop haunts me daily.

[Tommy Does Comedy @TommyDoesComedy]

@awkwardmovieguy @TheDiscFather Time and time again you show the world that you GET COMEDY.

[Tommy Does Comedy @TommyDoesComedy]

@awkwardmovieguy Now does the list change if I ask what your top five are? Like a Schrödinger's list?

[Tommy Does Comedy @TommyDoesComedy]

@awkwardmovieguy What in the cuck is this?

[Tommy Does Comedy @TommyDoesComedy]

God Tier shitty super power #003

You can teleport- anywhere in the world... But it only happens when you sneeze.

[Tommy Does Comedy @TommyDoesComedy]

@awkwardmovieguy God tier shitty super power #002

You're also invincible as long as you don't clean it up.

[Tommy Does Comedy @TommyDoesComedy]

God Tier shitty super power #001

You can fly but you have to literally shit your pants first.

[Tommy Does Comedy @TommyDoesComedy]

@awkwardmovieguy @TheDiscFather

[Tommy Does Comedy @TommyDoesComedy]

Work is over, there's NOTHING else I can do for the world today.

[Tommy Does Comedy @TommyDoesComedy]

Translation: Listen it's gunna be hot, so you should keep cool. But don't go in the water, that's too cool and you'll die. #heatwave #bcishot

[Tommy Does Comedy @TommyDoesComedy]

If you're ever feeling like a failure just remember: Someone out there didn't even figure out today's Wordle.

[Tommy Does Comedy @TommyDoesComedy]

No one talks about it, but I know for a FACT that you have a preferred toilet at work. #toiletgate #peaceful