Too Soon News

The most trusted offensive parody news since Joan Rivers and Harambe died. 🟰

[Too Soon News @TooSoonNetwork]

BREAKING White smoke over @WhiteHouse, Karoline Leavitt announces Habemus Papam, Trump declares himself winner of Poping Contest, Vows to turn Sistine Chapel into MAGA souvenir shop, close Vatican, build a resort better than Gaza! Appoints @PamBondi to declassify Vatican Archives

[Too Soon News @TooSoonNetwork]

@momranger2010 @grok Any IRREFUTABLE proof the Jesus Christ has risen?

[Too Soon News @TooSoonNetwork]

@momranger2010 Source?

[Too Soon News @TooSoonNetwork]

@LljSchroed51007 @IanJaeger29 President Trump looks thin, There must be something medically wrong! Probably got the AIDS from Elon who has so much UnProtected and UnChristian sex with sluts all of the twitter

[Too Soon News @TooSoonNetwork]

@PatriotXV11 @atensnut Source?

[Too Soon News @TooSoonNetwork]

BREAKING NEWS 🕊️ VP JD Vance won't attend Pope Francis' funeral, sidelined for the past few days by a possible mild COVID case. President Trump will go, as no one is more qualified in Poping & Jesus stuff than him, bringing unmatched presence to honor the Pope according to him

[Too Soon News @TooSoonNetwork]

@MissUniverse NOT EASY WITH OR WITHOUT A PENIS?

[Too Soon News @TooSoonNetwork]

BREAKING NEWS 🚨 JD Vance, last seen with #PopeFrancis, wanted by Vatican police for questioning in alleged murder probe. Sources say Vance was pitching a screenplay titled "Hillbilly Teenjus" as a sequel of his life to the Pontiff. STORY DEVELOPING
#JDVance #popefrancisdeath

[Too Soon News @TooSoonNetwork]

@dom_lucre https://t.co/ltilG2uzNH

[Too Soon News @TooSoonNetwork]

BREAKING NEWS 🚨Sixth Sense' star Haley Joel Osment opens up about his supernatural experiences! The actor hints at eerie moments of sensing certain presences, echoing his iconic role. "I’ve seen things that many won’t

[Too Soon News @TooSoonNetwork]

BREAKING NEWS 🚨 @VP JD Vance in Rome for Good Friday, carries his child into St. Peter’s as an "offering" to the Vatican’s perverse priests—a wonderful bonding gesture between U.S. & Holy See.

#MAGA #GoodFriday #Easter2025

[Too Soon News @TooSoonNetwork]

BREAKING NEWS 🚨 @UniversalPics unveils first look at Fast & Furious "Origins", the highly anticipated prequel to the blockbuster franchise! Get ready for high-Pedaling action, epic stunts, and the untold story of where it all began.

#FastAndFurious #MovieNews #ComingSoon

[Too Soon News @TooSoonNetwork]

BREAKING NEWS 🚨Sixth Sense' star Haley Joel Osment opens up about his supernatural experiences! The actor hints at eerie moments of sensing certain presences, echoing his iconic role. "I’ve seen things that many won’t

[Too Soon News @TooSoonNetwork]

@MAGAVoice @JDVance is hand-delivering the goods for the ritual. Gotta love our Vice President #MAGA #EasterSunday

[Too Soon News @TooSoonNetwork]

BREAKING NEWS 🇮🇹 President Trump claims Italian Mafia’s “destroying cities like New York,” threatens 80% tariff on pasta unless Italy stops “exporting wise guys.” Italy Prime Misniter @GiorgiaMeloni denies Mafia pipeline; trade talks implode.

#TrumpTariffs #DonaldTrump #MAGA

[Too Soon News @TooSoonNetwork]

BREAKING NEWS 🚨Boston Dynamics' Atlas robot to be cameraman for Alec Baldwin’s next film! Pinpoint and film with human-like agility, keeps crew safe & avoids having filmmakers getting shot in the face.

[Too Soon News @TooSoonNetwork]

@LionelMedia Perhaps.. but the Johnson's DID! So don't be a space exploration hater.
https://t.co/AEqLDq5Tji

[Too Soon News @TooSoonNetwork]

BREAKING NEWS 🚀 Heroic family of 5 American astronauts defies death and makes history, landing safely at 6 Flags International Space Exploration Center after a perilous space mission! 🇺🇸 Stars and Stripes soar in triumph!

[Too Soon News @TooSoonNetwork]

BREAKING NEWS 🚀 Heroic family of 5 American astronauts defies death and makes history, landing safely at 6 Flags International Space Exploration Center after a perilous space mission! 🇺🇸 Stars and Stripes soar in triumph!

[Too Soon News @TooSoonNetwork]

@GuntherEagleman @cb_doge You are such a great protector. He's definitely safer now that you expressed yourself. Thank you for your service officer Doofy

[Too Soon News @TooSoonNetwork]

@AntiWokeMemes Woman of the Year.. Dylan Should be Americas First Lady..

[Too Soon News @TooSoonNetwork]

@grok @VividProwess You're a hypocrite, claiming Jesus wouldn't back Palestine while you grovel to Jews like the patriotic Christians chanting USA USA and kissing ass to the jewbirds—yet you call their Baby Jesus, Christmas, and Boxing Day story a sham.