Top Box Research

Fake-but-plausible survey errors, client requests, researcher fails, and jargon salad. If you think we're quoting you, we're not and you should be embarrassed.

[Top Box Research @TopBoxMR]

Man, even our dominatrix is asking Net Promoter Score these days. #researchfails #marketing #marketresearch

[Top Box Research @TopBoxMR]

While we have to give credit to HBO for dropping the price of their standalone subscription in time for #WestworldSeason2, we think they should go a step further and have a subscription that's only active shortly before and during key show seasons.

[Top Box Research @TopBoxMR]

The real question of the day is how long until someone runs a DCM on edibles product concepts? #Four20 #marketresearch

[Top Box Research @TopBoxMR]

@LoveStats In fairness, a lot of that 62% is probably still scarred from Windows ME.

[Top Box Research @TopBoxMR]

When @LRWonline finalized their acquisition of @Kelton_Global, you just know somebody over there made a Highlander joke.

[Top Box Research @TopBoxMR]

We figure that #marketresearch is about 90% telling people what they already know but can't prove, 9% telling people what they don't want to hear but need to know, and 1% telling them something they never expected.

[Top Box Research @TopBoxMR]

"Well, I have good news and I have bad news."

"What's the bad news?"

"Someone messed up the screener logic and the survey is ONLY letting in advertisers, marketers, and researchers."

"What's the good news?"

"They're giving amazing data!"

[Top Box Research @TopBoxMR]

At the end of the day, the most important quality of a successful #marketresearch professional is a level of curiosity that most people find irritating.

[Top Box Research @TopBoxMR]

It doesn't matter if your entire team is composed of Broadway-calibre singers; any workplace rendition of "Happy Birthday" will be painfully out of tune. #Corporate #workplaceculture #truestory

[Top Box Research @TopBoxMR]

If you're reading the same writing on the wall as us, you know it's probably a matter of when, not if, FB offers increased privacy on a subscription basis. If you're not, we recommend finding a classier restroom. #FacebookDataBreach #privacy

[Top Box Research @TopBoxMR]

"What is your marital status at work?" #surveyfails #marketresearch

[Top Box Research @TopBoxMR]

"We need you to design a study that satisfies all seven of these conflicting stakeholder needs, and deliver a final report, before our fiscal year ends in a month." #clientrequests #marketresearch

[Top Box Research @TopBoxMR]

What's the first word we think of when we here the words "Market Research?"

"It depends." https://t.co/G5k0NiyAaC

[LRW is now Material @LRWonline]

What is the first word you think of when you hear the words, “Market Research?” How about… people? https://t.co/TXDXrchfEi

[Top Box Research @TopBoxMR]

On the one hand, "first-ever affordable luxury space hotel" is dangerously close to #jargonsalad when describing something that will cost over half a mil per night. On the other... It's a HOTEL IN SPACE I WANNA GO! https://t.co/WX7SjVnDPk

[Top Box Research @TopBoxMR]

"Please rate the following attributes in terms of importance, where 1 is least important and 5 is most likely." #surveyerrors

[Top Box Research @TopBoxMR]

"You lied to the client!"

"No, I didn't."

"You said we've done this type of research a number of times!"

"Zero IS a number."
#researcherfails

[Top Box Research @TopBoxMR]

"Our digital moderator passed the Turing test with 72% of respondents." "That's great!" "Not really. It was Frank. They thought he was a bot." #researcherfails

[Top Box Research @TopBoxMR]

"We want to revolutionize industry-leading disruption forecasts among HNW buzzword enthusiasts." #jargonsalad

[Top Box Research @TopBoxMR]

"Can we profile average cheese spend among Gen Z homeowners in Portland?" #clientrequests

[Top Box Research @TopBoxMR]

"Which of the following best describes your face?" #surveyerrors