Ally

Writer. Co-Author of Dad Law. Grad student. Ex-mo. ADHD. Queen of losing her phone and her train of thought

[Ally @TragicAllyHere]

Before I take a shower: I hate it in there, the wet world is a bad place

While in the shower: I remember now that this is a good place, it is the dry world that is the enemy

[Ally @TragicAllyHere]

If my FYP shows me a video I’ve seen before I have a moment of shame and panic like, “It happened, I watched the whole internet and circled back”

[Ally @TragicAllyHere]

Me waking up every day since I gained consciousness

[Ally @TragicAllyHere]

Oh we’re still doing this? All of it?

[Ally @TragicAllyHere]

Oh we’re still doing this? All of it?

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

Turns out the parents that get in line for school pickup super early just want some alone time to scroll their phones and listen to songs with bad words in them.

[Ally @TragicAllyHere]

I didn’t anticipate that so much of my adult life would be trying to decide if I’m experiencing normal human feelings, a medical emergency, or a Shakespearean madness type deal

[Ally @TragicAllyHere]

My last words will be, “I wasn’t going to buy all that stuff in my Amazon cart, I just put stuff in there to think”

[Ally @TragicAllyHere]

Things that are none of my business:

-money/finance: it’s all made up but not in a fun way like hobbits

-phone calls placed to my phone

-the to-do list I made myself

-any sound that comes out of me with Les Mis in my headphones I AM WARNING YOU JAVERT

[Ally @TragicAllyHere]

This note my son wrote to a girl in his 4th grade class is maybe the most romantic thing ever written. Love is finding someone you can make up funny scenarios with

[Ally @TragicAllyHere]

@scrabbleal If you took an MRI you would see the little mouse in my head, I know it

[Ally @TragicAllyHere]

The mouse from "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" is an ADHD icon

[Ally @TragicAllyHere]

Victorian England is to women as the Roman Empire is to men

[Ally @TragicAllyHere]

A little disappointed I’ve never been accused of being a witch. I’m not saying I am one but it would be nice to be asked. I want you to want me to burn at the stake.

[Ally @TragicAllyHere]

If an alien comes to earth and meets a woman first, I imagine her saying, “Sorry the place is such a mess” and the alien says, “No no it’s fine” (just to be nice tho)

[Ally @TragicAllyHere]

I don’t care what anyone thinks of my beach body. That’s between me and the sea

[Ally @TragicAllyHere]

Being an adult means you have a total of 3 friends and they all live in different parts of the country and periodically you just send each other videos of weird dogs and say “this made me think of you”

[Ally @TragicAllyHere]

When I say I prefer the book over the movie it’s not because I think I’m smart. It’s the opposite: I need 7-10 business days to process even minor plot progression and character development

[Chronicle Books @ChronicleBooks]

To every Dad — This one's for you 👑

From @thedad writers, @TragicAllyHere and @TheJoelWillis comes: Dad Law. This handsome tome collects all of the governing laws of fatherhood.

Pick up Dad Law everywhere at the link below!✨
https://t.co/rggHvpwXPj

[Ally @TragicAllyHere]

Stages of taking kids to the pool

Ages 0-6: you might die if I don’t watch you at all times
Ages 6-12: I might die if you make me “watch this” one more time (yes I saw the handstand, very cool)

[Ally @TragicAllyHere]

Haunting sponsored ad content. Baby’s first disemboweling