troystru

Only reason I have a twitter account is so I have an outlet for thoughts I'd prefer my mom not to see on facebook

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back in my day, "buttlicker" was a top shelf, break in case of emergency, schoolyard insult. nowadays it is a selectable option on most dating sites.

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@SwenKa123 Sir, bein a bit loud.
Im Not serbian, i bosnian.

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Already saw @ripe_love in the wild. #bestdayever

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In MadTown ready to get my Ripe on. Super pumped. LFG! @ripe_love

[I Worked at Blockbuster Once @SpencerLoucks]

*Kid at grocery store in one of those carts that has a steering wheel*

ME: You think you're steering this thing? Wake up dude! They're lying to you! It's all a big fucking illusion!
KID: Beep beep!
ME: I guess you're not ready for the truth.

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@HeelsBadman Who is flashing their crack now?

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Hey, asteroids! You need to step up your game, son. Only 70cm across? Burning up in the atmosphere? That some weak-ass shit. Bummy as hell. #assteroids

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@SpencerLoucks the no eyes PA

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@SpencerLoucks Save that nonsense for Breve Tea

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@HeelsBadman What does that even mean?

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@Lucasentric

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Most people are buried 6 feet under. Pete Rose will be buried 6 feet over/under

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@TFR2313 Swag on swag on swag

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@rinbcage Smartest guy in the hat

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@USN_TTV @ScottOGallagher imagine demoing number updater and not having it be 69

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@rinbcage the nerve ana of that guy

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So, apparently all doctors take the hippocratic oath and not just bariatric docs.

[stu @rinbcage]

I married my highschool sweatshirt

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@SwenKa123 The bread side

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Casting director of the new Crow movie had a chance to do the funniest thing ever and hire Alec Baldwin

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If youre dating someone named Stacy and you break up, do you then start referring to her as Molly?