DropDeadDoritos

sticky sweaty weirdo. cosplayer. perpetually in a foul mood.

[DropDeadDoritos @TsundereMode]

Finally on an SSRI. Someone hand me a fucking grapefruit.

[DropDeadDoritos @TsundereMode]

@ventandcheese 👏DUMP👏HIM👏

[DropDeadDoritos @TsundereMode]

I didnt realize golf had a dress code. I kind of assumed everyone dressed accordingly for the most boring sport in the universe.

[DropDeadDoritos @TsundereMode]

Business idea, hear me out- bottle of Sauvignon Blanc with a photo of @iamcardib on the label and we call it Sauvi B. ™️

[DropDeadDoritos @TsundereMode]

@ventandcheese Sounds like a fucking peach, champ.

[DropDeadDoritos @TsundereMode]

"I can fix him"
Girl, I can make him worse.

[DropDeadDoritos @TsundereMode]

I was very high.

[DropDeadDoritos @TsundereMode]

I look over to my computer chair. Its hovering 3 inches above the ground. Its legs are spinning and its emitting the sounds of a helicopter propeller.
I chuckle and call it an idiot.
Helicopter chair...

Then I wake up.

[DropDeadDoritos @TsundereMode]

Sometimes, I sleep with my windows open because I like to flirt with the idea that someone will sneak in and murder me.

[DropDeadDoritos @TsundereMode]

An excerpt from my dream-
I teach English, I leave people's lives unchanged.

Don't you mean changed?

No, they already know English.

[DropDeadDoritos @TsundereMode]

I love when someone asks to close out their tab right after I plunge my hand in the sink to wash dishes because my barback probably spent his entire shift trying to figure out how to use a corkscrew.

[DropDeadDoritos @TsundereMode]

Michelle Rodriguez could beat the shit out of me and run me over with a Prius and I would thank her.

[DropDeadDoritos @TsundereMode]

The insatiable urge to climb the cell tower by the Bark and have a burly fireman carry me down, safely snug in his arms and pressed to his chest.

[DropDeadDoritos @TsundereMode]

Thank me with your dick or get the fuck out of my bar.

[DropDeadDoritos @TsundereMode]

Nightmares are wild.
I'm just trying to do my favorite thing in the world and sleep and my brain is like "haha PSYCH!"

[DropDeadDoritos @TsundereMode]

@KittyPipkin Go hide. I'll find you...

[DropDeadDoritos @TsundereMode]

I really thought I would have been kidnapped by now. I'm kinda insulted.

[DropDeadDoritos @TsundereMode]

@KittyPipkin CHILL

[DropDeadDoritos @TsundereMode]

You can really tell how white a person is by how they pronounce 'no diggity'

[DropDeadDoritos @TsundereMode]

"Come out of downward dog and..."
Why did I bring my fucking dog to this class?!