Turnt Luke

United States Marine -
Slightly less than an above average level of funny

[Turnt Luke @TurntLuke1]

Not to toot my own horn but at midnight I will reach 21 years of 100% sobriety. It might sound dumb but I have never been so proud of myself

[Turnt Luke @TurntLuke1]

@alexa_yo123 I've written 25k over for clients and we've gotten blown out of the water.
Right now appraisal gaps are going to be your best friend btw

[Turnt Luke @TurntLuke1]

Step 1) Snapchat will suggests an interesting video.
Step 2) I click on it knowing damn well what will happen
Step 3) snap chat shows me 10,000 unrelated videos and ads before I exit out, bitch out an app like a psycho, and realize I still never saw what I came for.

[Turnt Luke @TurntLuke1]

It all started with smoking a joint on Joe Rogan, and now Elon has officially given his last fuck

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

The gauntlet has been thrown down!

The prophecy will be fulfilled.

Model S price changes to $69,420 tonight!

[Turnt Luke @TurntLuke1]

Upside to 2020 - I haven't seen anyone with huge guage earrings yet

[Turnt Luke @TurntLuke1]

The single most underrated moment in television is when Brooklyn 99 randomly worked it's way into an episode of New Girl. What an absolute power couple

[Turnt Luke @TurntLuke1]

You ever see a meme/screenshot of someone texting some complete simp shit and laugh like " what a bitch haha" but on the inside you're having traumatic flashbacks of the old you?

[Robert J. O'Neill @mchooyah]

If Brooklyn 99 is canceled, everyone in the room is gonna get these hands...

[Turnt Luke @TurntLuke1]

Girls look like they've got dog ears or butterflies/sparkles around their head on both

[Bri🦋 @BrianaSolorzano]

Guys look way better on their Tinder profile than they do on Snapchat 🥴

[Turnt Luke @TurntLuke1]

To the bastards who make the memes guilting people into feeling like we're going to hell for not sharing and liking a post about Jesus:

See ya there!

[Turnt Luke @TurntLuke1]

@KLSprik19 Tomorrow's project

[Turnt Luke @TurntLuke1]

@dominos looking for tips from @tacobell on how to make a sauce that people actually like.

[Turnt Luke @TurntLuke1]

Facebook saw it first

[Turnt Luke @TurntLuke1]

An arcade is just a casino for kids

[Jordan Vogel @jvogel280]

Is it to early to start pre drinking for NYE? Asking for a friend.

[Turnt Luke @TurntLuke1]

Waiter: who ordered the burger and fries? Anyone? No?

My brain: please don't say it...

Every other dude at the table: No, but I'll take it for free. Haaaaa

My brain: we have passed this challenge. Until next time.

[Turnt Luke @TurntLuke1]

Soundcloud rappers will flex with an amount of cash that would make me feel broke.

[Turnt Luke @TurntLuke1]

The actual second I decide I like a video online and that I'm going to watch the whole thing

An ad: SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER!!! EXIT OUT NOW. YOU WONT!

[Turnt Luke @TurntLuke1]

If you eat string cheese by biting chunks off the end rather than peeling off sensible strings, please never talk to me you sicko.

[Turnt Luke @TurntLuke1]

The military drinks exclusively alcohol and energy drinks. This shouldn't be a surprise 😂

[Lane 8 Approved Super Fan @DPDragon]

BANG ENERGY IS FXKCING CANCELLED THEIR MONEY FUNDS TRUMP https://t.co/CpVZ0jzJ3y