Secretary M. W. Farrett

U.S. Secretary of Consulting | Complaining about corporate service since birth | Chairman, Farrett Holdings, LLC | Executor, Farrett Trust | Lord of Sealand

[Secretary M. W. Farrett @TweetofFarrett]

Absolutely thrilled to announce that President Trump has appointed me as U.S. Secretary of Consulting!

I vow to ensure that no shareholder value is ever created, and that no client can ever deny a reasonable $700 bar tab expense at the storied Squash Club.

#elite #farrett

[Secretary M. W. Farrett @TweetofFarrett]

Farrett has the magic touch. After 10 minutes in the lavatory (on the ground obviously), flight attendants let me know the flight was getting canceled. Personally escorted me off the flight and to a 1st class seat waiting for me with full service the next flight. Be better #elite

[Secretary M. W. Farrett @TweetofFarrett]

https://t.co/imDEoj52yz

Billboard #1 hit incoming #Elite

[Secretary M. W. Farrett @TweetofFarrett]

And the bar is pretty low. I was exposed to Legionnaires' at the Rio back in 2017 (there for a party, would never stay obviously) and I'd rather go there. Considering reaching out to President Trump to call in the National Guard on Vegas over this

[Secretary M. W. Farrett @TweetofFarrett]

Only thing "Fabulous" about these garbage offerings is that @littlecaesars didn't offer discounts to their third rate "luxury" resort. Basically the @SpiritAirlines of the Vegas Strip. Tourism won't improve until Vegas shuts it down #elite

https://t.co/lxlSuAU0be

[Secretary M. W. Farrett @TweetofFarrett]

Flight delayed 90 minutes because they're looking for flight attendants. It's my time to shine.

[Secretary M. W. Farrett @TweetofFarrett]

I believe I could be of help here. I have interacted with many beavers over the years, sometimes even several at one time! I would classify myself as a beaver expert. #elite

[Secretary M. W. Farrett @TweetofFarrett]

Some people clap on airplanes. Farrett claps cheeks on airplanes. We are not the same. #FarrettMove #elite

[Secretary M. W. Farrett @TweetofFarrett]

To my fellow consultants wondering why the industry is being DOGE'd right now, I apologize. I was blacked out at Mar-A-Lago when I talked to Elon. Working on fix as official US Secretary of Consulting. In addition, negotiating status extensions w/ AA & Marriott
#BigFarrett #elite

[Secretary M. W. Farrett @TweetofFarrett]

Loving the new satellite WiFi on this @AmericanAir regional jet. Leaps and bounds better than the old system, and I can actually be productive now. Now if we could just get some better coffee and a bigger bathroom for #FarrettTime #elite

[Secretary M. W. Farrett @TweetofFarrett]

I laugh at the plebs who don't believe in Capitalism. If i can't have 6 drinks at 37k feet with a flight attendant who can't afford to file an HR complaint doing everything I want, why would I live?

[Secretary M. W. Farrett @TweetofFarrett]

Proud to announce that @realDonaldTrump has nominated me to be US Ambassador to @Marriott. I realize the importance of this appointment and I won't let you down, Mr. President! We will #MakeMarriottGreatAgain #elite

[Secretary M. W. Farrett @TweetofFarrett]

*legal disclaimer: memories of events may differ. It is important to do your own research before believing anyone’s individual account, and especially if it runs counter to my official statement above.

[Secretary M. W. Farrett @TweetofFarrett]

The Fake News rumors that I have been having dinners with multiple women at the storied Squash Club are absolutely false. If you don’t believe me, just call and ask them! I assure you they will confirm that they haven’t seen me for months*. #elite #squashclub

[Secretary M. W. Farrett @TweetofFarrett]

Great article for people to better understand what goes on in the mind of a Farrett! #elite #farrett
https://t.co/xnmVLet7Uy

[Secretary M. W. Farrett @TweetofFarrett]

If @GEICO calls me one more time, the Gecko is gonna be our generation's Jimmy Hoffa

[Secretary M. W. Farrett @TweetofFarrett]

Came here to complain about @PFChangs having both a delivery fee and a service fee, but then I remembered that I am expensing it to my consulting client anyway. Please carry on. #thrifty #elite #Farrett

[Secretary M. W. Farrett @TweetofFarrett]

Considering going back into recreational consulting. Think my practice will offer complimentary services to the clients wife. Satisfaction guaranteed. Will make final decision after mu next cocktail at the Raddish Club

[Secretary M. W. Farrett @TweetofFarrett]

Celebrating my graduation from the elite Betty Ford Institute with a double of scotch at the airport. Contemplating a victory lap again next year

[Secretary M. W. Farrett @TweetofFarrett]

Hello loyal subjects: it is I, King Farrett I of Sealand. I have ascended to the throne after the abdication of the previous Monarch, Prince Michael of Sealand. During my reign, my loyal subjects can rest assured there will be plentiful vodka for all. #FarretianEra #legitroyalty