Tyler Beck

[Tyler Beck @Tybeck91]

A woman I have been seeing told me that she is going to stop sleeping with me to protest the overturning of Roe vs. Wade. I cant believe I am now getting cockbocked by the Supreme Court. Thanks a lot Clarence.

[Tyler Beck @Tybeck91]

Skater kids riding by, drinking twister teas. "What is it with the world man, I'm just trying to show some love and everyone is like fuck you"
And I felt that

[Tyler Beck @Tybeck91]

@endofanerajc My boobs do the same thing...except im a guy...

[Tyler Beck @Tybeck91]

In the 4th grade we did an art project where you scribbled random lines and then painted what we saw. Since our new congressional lines were drawn with the same intent. I took it upon myself to draw what I saw. :) (a turtle, an at-at walker, a trout with a worm, and a duck)

[Tyler Beck @Tybeck91]

Conversation I had with a coworker who is from Azrbaijaan, me: "So what do you think of the whole Russia, Ukraine situation?" Her: "My ex husbands new wife is from Ukraine, so I don't care, they can have it!" I love international relationships.

[Tyler Beck @Tybeck91]

Well, its another year and another Thanksgiving. Most people ask what your favorite food is.

My question this year is what drink is getting you through the day?
(Ex. Jack & coke)

[Tyler Beck @Tybeck91]

Bought a Subaru, came with a free Patagonia hat and an urge to tell everyone I know that I'm a hiker, even though I dont hike...

[Tyler Beck @Tybeck91]

So I just had a conversation were I said the words "when you get to my age" and I realized, life is divided into 2 parts before "when you get to my age" and after. I am sad to see the first half of my life gone, but "when you get to my age" you really dont give a shit anymore.

[Tyler Beck @Tybeck91]

So now that I'm 30 does the "responsible, independent, get your shit together" Fairy just show up? Or do I need to put in an application for that? Any information would help. Thanks

[Tyler Beck @Tybeck91]

The older I get, the more I enjoy "King of the Hill" and I dont know how I feel about that. I tell you what

[Tyler Beck @Tybeck91]

So does anyone else have a room or closet in your house that you just haven't had a reason to walk into it for a long while? Just walked into the guest bathroom and realized its probably been over a year since I walked in there. Looked nice.

[Tyler Beck @Tybeck91]

Dear Instagram,
I know by my age most people have a house, are married, or have kids. But as an outcast to society I do not have any of those things. So please, stop putting things in my feed like "how to be a mom and run a homemade candle business out of your house" Ok? Thanks

[Tyler Beck @Tybeck91]

@Inhumansoflate1 I dont see why they couldnt get PPP money (as I assume their rental is under a business name) Or negotiate with the current tenants to pay a lower rate for the time being. 1. Free money from the gov. 2. Shows tenants you are willing to work with them not against them.

[Tyler Beck @Tybeck91]

@gjandrews Ya, I hear there are a lot of mirrors in LA.

[Tyler Beck @Tybeck91]

Hey, remember when we all joked the coronavirus was caused by getting blacked out drunk on coronas? Good times good times... well, gotta go find my damn mask again so I can go stockpile toilet paper. Because, we all know thats coming...

[Tyler Beck @Tybeck91]

If the multiverse theory is real, then that means there is a universe in which Garfield the cat is the one who has to take "The One Ring" to Mount Doom in the Lord of the Rings series...and I'm OK with that.

[Tyler Beck @Tybeck91]

@IGN Or they could just...you know...make Dead Space 4

[Tyler Beck @Tybeck91]

I dont think Jeff Bezos understands what BIG DICK ENERGY actually means...

[Tyler Beck @Tybeck91]

Me at Magic Mountain "dude Goliath is the scariest rollercoaster ever!"

The stock market today "hold my beer"

[Tyler Beck @Tybeck91]

You know what I hate? Helping people move. The next time someone asks me to help, I am going to tell them I have a prostate exam. Because I would rather have someone shove their thumb up my ass then help you move.