Elvis Depressedly

If it wasn't for bad luck, I'd be winning all the time.

[Elvis Depressedly @Tylerprock]

@EWolever that brutal. Did you throw it at him?

[Elvis Depressedly @Tylerprock]

@EWolever

[Elvis Depressedly @Tylerprock]

@EWolever did you hit him with a brick?

[Elvis Depressedly @Tylerprock]

@EWolever

[Elvis Depressedly @Tylerprock]

When you fart during sex, so you just choke her a bit.

[Elvis Depressedly @Tylerprock]

Mama tried.

[Elvis Depressedly @Tylerprock]

Jesus, keep us safe from the cops.

[Elvis Depressedly @Tylerprock]

Never buy gas station sushi.. Or gas station male enhancement pills

[Bernie Sanders @BernieSanders]

Instead of building more prisons, we need to be building more meaningful lives where young people can have a future.

[Elvis Depressedly @Tylerprock]

Aint no party like an oscar party

[Elvis Depressedly @Tylerprock]

If I make a joke about being friend zoned and she says im in the friend zone, im still in the game right?

[Elvis Depressedly @Tylerprock]

That awkward moment when alcohol doesn't work.

[Elvis Depressedly @Tylerprock]

Just a friendly reminder that you are alone. Happy Valentine's Day!

[Elvis Depressedly @Tylerprock]

Uhh word of advice, never call shotgun in a limo. All the cool shit is in the back.

[Elvis Depressedly @Tylerprock]

the underacheiver that every woman wants to sleep with.

[Elvis Depressedly @Tylerprock]

I've had an extended sexual fantasy with flow the progressive girl.

[Elvis Depressedly @Tylerprock]

@theenado *shittier

[Elvis Depressedly @Tylerprock]

El Niño? More like El niña.

[Elvis Depressedly @Tylerprock]

how's a nice way to tell your mom to stop sending winky faces?